The Dangerous Dance of the Avoidant/Anxiously Attached Couple

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 11 January 2022

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Over time, many couples find themselves in a familiar pursue/withdrawal relationship. One partner may feel like they are doing everything in the relationship only at the expense of getting their own validation or needs met. Still, their partner often becomes more distant when they express their frustration. But there is also a fear that if the partner stops reminding their spouse that they aren't getting their needs met, they will NEVER be satisfied. So goes the all-too-familiar dance of the anxious/avoidant attached couple. Tony shares his experiences as a couples therapist on how these couples arrive on his couch, and more importantly, what to do to get the relationship to a more mature, healthy state. Tony references the article "Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners" by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners)With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch), you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight.You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com (http://pathbackrecovery.com) And visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com)and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ (https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 303 of the virtual couch. I'm your host Tony Overbay. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four, and host of another podcast called Waking Up to Narcissism, which is continuing to blow my mind with the amount of subscribers and feedback, that sort of thing. So if you haven't checked that podcast out, please go give that a try. And also the Pathback, the Pathback
0:22.1	pornography program is continuing to change the lives of many people. So there's a weekly
0:27.6	group call. You can go to PathbackRecovery.com, download a short ebook that describes five
0:32.5	myths that people have about making pornography a coping mechanism no longer once and for all. That sentence
0:38.9	made little to no sense, but just go to PathbackRecovery.com and there you can take a look at
0:43.9	this ebook and to see the work that is being done there. It's a very strength-based, hold the shame,
0:48.8	become the person you always wanted to be programmed. So again, that's pathbackrecovery.com.
0:52.8	And I wanted to start with a completely
0:55.4	unrevolved, unrevolved. That is also something that will probably go out in the editing. But
1:02.0	I have to tell you, editing the audio is really easy because I use this product called Descript.
1:06.5	And I always throw something in the show notes that says, hey, if you want to check out Descript,
1:10.9	go take a look at this. So if you happen to be a podcaster or anyone that does a lot of
1:15.1	recording, go find that. You can edit out all of the us and the ums and how much I repeat myself,
1:20.4	which I didn't realize. But if you want the unadulterated, unfiltered, makes it sound like I'm
1:25.8	doing something risque but that
1:29.2	version is the video that goes up on my YouTube channel which I am trying to get
1:32.7	better about there are some that just say that they really want the YouTube
1:36.5	video or they just listen on YouTube more than they turn to a podcast player so
1:41.3	I know that that's a thing as well this video will be up on my YouTube channel at some point. Just go find the virtual couch on YouTube. But let's start with
1:47.2	story time. I believe that's where I was headed with this. And this is a story that doesn't have
1:50.6	to do with today's topic, which is about avoidant and anxious attachment, which is a fascinating
1:55.1	topic. But I had an experience over the last, probably a week ago that I just thought was, it really summed up where mindfulness
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