You're listening to Comedy Central.

Pfff!

March 4th, 2016.

Let's cut waste, fraud and abuse.

It's easy to say it.

Establishment Republican candidates were making their last stand against Donald Trump.

And Senator Ted Cruz of Texas had a gross booger hanging on his lip.

And then he ate it, as if none of us could see.

This is Ted Cruz, the booger on the lip of democracy.

Rothfiel Edward Cruz was born in Canada to an American woman and a former Cuban revolutionary.

When Ted was four, the Cruz is relocated to Texas.

Houston, we have a problem.

Where his youthful ambition was the same as any higher-order lizard, sex and domination.

Well, my aspiration is to, oh, I don't know me, that's in the city of prison, like the guy who played here.

You know, he was in Melbourne, but he didn't eat any meat, so...

Well, others in that, uh...

Take over the world.

World domination.

Yes, young Ted Cruz was obsessed with boobs and power.

Two things he would struggle to get his hands on for the rest of his life.

From there, it was on to Princeton University, where he befriended Craig Mason,

who as the creator of the HBO series Chernobyl is familiar with toxic disasters.

...