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Best of the Spectator

The Book Club: bereaving in the time of Covid

Best of the Spectator

The Spectator

News Commentary, News, Daily News, Society & Culture

4.4785 Ratings

🗓️ 20 January 2021

⏱️ 43 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sam Leith's guests on this week's Book Club podcast are the writer and Women's Equality Party co-founder Catherine Mayer, and her mother, the arts publicist Anne Mayer Bird. They are mother and daughter -- but a year ago they became 'sister widows', as both lost their husbands within a few weeks of one another. Their new book is called Good Grief: Embracing life at a time of death, and they join me to talk about grief in the time of Covid, how social perceptions of widowhood put pressure on the bereaved, and what they think needs to change at a societal and personal level with regards to how we treat death and bereavement.

Transcript

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0:00.0

The Spectator magazine combines incisive political analysis with books and arts reviews of unrivaled authority. Absolutely free. Go to spectator.com.uk forward slash voucher.

0:25.9

Hello and welcome to the Spectators Book Club podcast. I'm Sam Leif, the literary editor

0:32.7

of The Spectator. This week, my guests are the arts publicist Anne Mayer Bird

0:37.7

and writer, campaigner and co-founder of the Women's Equality Party, Catherine Mayer.

0:44.7

They're mother and daughter, but they're also, in the phrase they use,

0:48.2

twin widows. About a year ago, both of their husbands died within about five weeks of each other. And they've written

0:55.7

together a new book called Good Grief, Embracing Life at a Time of Death. This is a book that sort

1:02.2

of starts in a room. And I just want us to talk about how it comes out of that room.

1:07.6

Well, if you look behind me, you can see the room.

1:10.1

The listeners can't, but I can.

1:12.1

It's a bit spacious room with the sofa on it.

1:14.6

So I actually originally suggested calling the book the living room.

1:19.1

Because of the deaths in rapid succession of our husbands and then lockdown,

1:25.4

so we were freshly widowed and then thrust into lockdown. The only person that

1:32.3

either of us saw during that first lockdown was the other, albeit wearing masks and protective

1:39.3

clothing, because I would come once a week to make sure that my mother was all right, that she had food.

1:46.7

As you will gather from this conversation, my mother is not somebody who fits a lot of preconceptions about caregiving.

1:53.9

She's deeply independent, but she had never lived alone ever before my stepfather died.

2:05.5

And we would mostly do practical things while I was there, but at the end of every visit, we would sit in this very big room that they have,

2:12.0

which is a kind of light industrial unit that was added onto their house later on and where we can sit at enormous

2:20.6

distance and we'd sit there at enormous distance to each other and sort of try and talk through

2:27.2

what was happening to us in terms of widowhood, a lot of it not talking about emotions, but talking

...

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