It's the Bob and Tom show.

Hi man, it's Donnie Biker, man.

You know, a lot of people are just now getting around to filing their taxes, and I've

got a couple tips on how you could score a big fat refund this year.

I swear to God I'll do.

Do tell.

First of all, man, everybody thinks that fancy write-offs for so-called dependence means that you gotta have kids,

but it don't.

It means you got to have people who just depend on you, that's all.

So if you tuck more than 300 singles into a stripper's thong during the last fecal year,

perfectly, man, she counts as a dependent.

Look it up.

And here's another loophole in the system.

Since a stripper don't empty out the contents of her G-string

until after she's finished her dance,

I mean, say they find a bunch of sweaty singles

and one coupon for 25 cents off a box of Kotex.

There ain't no way to prove who tucked the coupon.

So you get credited for a full buck bike. I'll swear to God you do. For my second tax tip, did you know if you buy a boat from someone? You can write that off as a business expense if the guy selling the boat has ever mentioned it on the radio. I swear to God, that's true. Oh, and here's another one. You can also deduct all the money you spent on porn in the last facal year just... Donnie! I just got a letter from the IRS and I'm getting audited. The advice your tax guy gave me is all wrong. Shut up, Randy, it ain't wrong. Is too. No, it ain't! I thought you said this guy was a CPA. Scotty Winkler is too a CPA. CPA, I swear to God he is. Scotty is a certified public accountant.

No doubt. that this guy was a CPA. Scotty Winkler is too a CPA.

I swear to God he is. Scotty is a certified public accountant. No dumbass. He's a certified panty appraiser. And he wanted t-shirt that ribs it at the county fair last year. Tell he squirted water into a clown's mouth until the balloon popped. I'll tell you something, man. You never want to get into a situation where your life depends on squirting water into a clown's mouth faster than Scotty Wayne. The man's got ice water in his veins. I'll swear to God he does. Oh, God. I am so screwed. Why don't I ever listen to you? Shut up and relax, Randy. You can get out of it. Everybody knows it. Just tell him you're a C-P-I-M-A.

What?

...