What's going on? Hey there. Thanks so much for joining me today on the Shalene show.

Whether you have children or not, you are a child of someone.

So you're gonna find this episode interesting. It may just spark some memories.

And hopefully for some of you who are our parents or hope to be parents someday, it provides some insight.

Today, I want to share with you the biggest mistakes we make as parents and how to avoid them.

Number one is being miserable. And I know what you're thinking. Am I supposed to pretend that everything's rosy and glorious and there's unicorns jumping over the moon?

Am I supposed to hide the fact that things are difficult right now or that their dad is a jerk or that we're really struggling?

Wow, how do I answer this? I'm not suggesting that you need to hide it. I'm also not suggesting that you can't be a human.

But I think there's a big difference between going through a tough time and teaching your kids how to do that and just being miserable all the time.

And you and I both know that there are those people who are miserable. They're just unhappy in their lives. They hate their jobs.

They hate their marriage. They hate their house. They hate the fact that the kids are unruly.

Like they're just freaking unhappy and miserable. Newsflash children believe that they're responsible for their parents moods, feelings and emotions.

You know this to be true. If you've ever played with a little kid and done that thing where you pretend like you're really sad or you're crying and you need a hug,

you notice that children immediately pick up on facial responses. They pick up on body language and they just immediately shift into like, I want to take care of you.

There's been times where I remember when kids were little. I can't remember why, but I do remember crying in front of them and kids just they instantly respond. They notice.

And they feel like it's their fault. That's why you often have to like the child. No. Oh, this has nothing to do with you, honey. Mommy's just sad and perhaps you even explain why.

And my point isn't about crying. My point is that children are incredibly intuitive and they pick up on our feelings.

They pick up on our micro facial expressions and they internalize them. So when a child is exposed to a parent whose angry or upset, frustrated or just miserable all the time, that child begins to internalize those emotions, those feelings and believe that they are their fault.

No matter what you say, that is what a child feels. Ask a child what they wish their parents could do better or do more of and you will find it's not that they wish they had more money or they wish they were thinner or taller or drive the nicer car or had a better business or a different job.

Kids want their parents to be happy. I'm not suggesting that you have to hide your emotions, but I am asking to take a look at yourself or maybe even think back on times when your parents were miserable or unhappy and how you as a child, how you projected those feelings onto yourself, how you may have felt responsible.

The number two thing to avoid with your children is laying on the guilt. Whether you realize or not, when you make statements like, I live my whole life for you, you are my everything. I have no purpose if it weren't for you.

I would die if you moved away. I'm going to die when you go away to school or I miss you so much when you're at your friend's home or that kind of guilt, that's an unbelievable amount of pressure on a child. You are making them the center of your universe and that's just not fair.

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