I'm sorry, you can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as you like.

Is Gas going to have a crack?

Yes, you know.

Oh, he's there!

Brilliant!

He's round the goalkeeper, he's done it!

Absolutely incredible!

He launched himself six feet into the crowd, and Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was eyewit without a shadow of an out giving him lip.

Oh, I say, it's amazing.

It does it tame, and tame, and tame again.

Crank up the music.

Charge a glass.

This nation is going to dance all night.

If you're a goal scorer, there's a fair chance that you're also a fist pumper, a knee slider, and a way fan shusher, an ear cupper, a name on the back of your shirt, pointer, an assist recogniser, a finger wagger, a hoarding jumper, a hording kicker, a dancer or a backflipper, a corner flag assa, a hugger, a hand signaller, a babetto cradler, a boot polisher, a Messiah, a muted

celebrator, or maybe even a full-length choreographer.

Brought to your ears by the Athletic, this is football cliches.

Joining me for this forensic examination of the goal celebration, James McNicholas, welcome back James. How do you

celebrate your goals? Do you know what? I go for the finger wag. The finger wag, as if I've said,

you've all been very naughty and I've punished you with my goal. I'm interested by that theory,

because I think we're going to talk about the finger wag in greater detail in this episode. But there are so many theories about why players wag their fingers. So that's interesting. It's a kind of a schoolteachery thing. Well, I think it's kind of I told you so, you know. Yes. That's what it was for me. Okay, interesting. We also have Dave Walker. What's your celebration of choice? My personal

celebration of choice that I would do. It's very boring, I'm afraid. I've only actually ever

scored two goals in my entire footballing life. And one of them was so close to not being my goal.

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