I'm Aisha Roscoe and this is the Sunday story from Up First.

Every Sunday we do something special.

We go beyond the news of the day to bring you one big story.

Today we're going to focus on a topic that's really close to my heart and maybe

close to my broken heart but it's because like a lot of young women I grew up and I knew from the time I was a child that I wanted to be a

wife and a mother. I had just the deepest desire for family and for marriage.

I wanted to feel special and held and cared for.

And a lot of my self worth was tied up

in the fact that men didn't pay me any attention

all throughout middle school, high school.

And then in college, you know, college is college, it was bad, bad times, horrible times.

But I did end up meeting the man who would become my husband.

He was my first and only boyfriend and we were together for 17 years, nearly my whole

adult life. I was with him until the wheels fell off.

And boy did those wheels fall off.

And now I am single and not just single but a single mother and I'm

also back in this place where I have all these insecurities that I thought I had left behind in college when I found a man.

But now they've come just roaring back questions about like what's wrong with me

will I be alone forever am I someone who can be loved fully and completely?

Today we are talking to Megan Kane, the creator of NPR's Life Kit podcast, and she knows these thoughts really well,

because she actually wrote a whole book trying to unpack all of these feelings

and understand why dating was making her so miserable.

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