The 4 Ways You Override Yourself Around People
Authentic Confidence with Dr. Aziz
Dr. Aziz Gazipura, Psychologist and Author
4.8 • 666 Ratings
🗓️ 12 May 2026
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You knew exactly what you wanted to say. Then something softer came out instead. There's a specific reason this keeps happening, and it isn't a confidence problem.
In this episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down the four ways people override themselves under social pressure: the Diplomat, the Avoider, the Fixer, and the Performer. Most people call this people-pleasing, being too nice, or social anxiety. Those labels aren't wrong. They just don't explain why it keeps happening for decades, even after reading the books and trying the techniques.
This episode covers:
- What triggers each of the four patterns
- Why this isn't a confidence problem
- The equation running underneath all four (disapproval equals danger) and what it means for actual change
- How each pattern shows up in work, relationships, and daily life
Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com
Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura
Work with Dr. Aziz directly:
The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3.
Connect:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | There's a moment. And if you've experienced this, you're going to recognize yourself in this situation |
| 0:04.6 | where you want to go say something. You've thought about it. You know what you want to say. Maybe you've |
| 0:09.9 | even rehearsed it in your head. And then you get into that situation and what comes out of your mouth |
| 0:13.8 | is different. It's softer. Maybe it's nicer. Maybe you've left certain things out. Maybe you |
| 0:20.6 | didn't even say anything at all. |
| 0:22.8 | And this is not a confidence problem. This is a pattern. And after working with thousands of people, |
| 0:28.5 | I've discovered that there's actually only four patterns that we run. And that's what I'm going to |
| 0:33.1 | share with you today. So let's look at the situation though, because this isn't just you |
| 0:37.0 | relaxed hanging |
| 0:37.9 | out with a friend, right? This is a situation where there's something specific is going on that |
| 0:42.3 | makes you edit yourself or stay quiet or not say what you really mean. And the situation |
| 0:47.8 | has something in common. It could be at work, it could be in your social life, dating |
| 0:51.8 | life with family, but there's one thing that's in common |
| 0:54.2 | across all those domains. And that is you're not quite sure how it's going to go. It could go well, |
| 1:00.8 | whatever that looks like. The person could approve of me. They could say yes. They could nod their heads. |
| 1:05.5 | They could agree. They could hear what I'm saying. They could listen to my feedback, whatever it is. |
| 1:09.9 | Or it could not go well. |
| 1:11.7 | Now, we all know what not going well looks like, right? That's when there are eyebrow furrows and |
| 1:16.2 | look at you, they get defensive. What do you mean? Or they just seem to dislike you, reject you, |
| 1:24.4 | shake their head of you, say no to you. Right. So the unifying theme across these |
| 1:28.9 | situations is I don't know what's going to happen. There is uncertainty in that connection or |
| 1:35.2 | relationship between you and me in that moment. And this could be with a stranger. I don't know if |
... |
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