Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. We're here you get modern, non-boring relationship

advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay in the same team

no matter the challenge that you face. I am one of your hosts, Aaron Freeman. And I'm Jocelyn Freeman,

but you all just know us as the Freeman's. And this episode is about, that wasn't my intention.

The difference between arguing for intent versus understanding impact.

Okay, this is one we've definitely caught ourselves doing.

Have you ever tried to validate your position during an argument by saying,

oh, but that wasn't my intention.

No, no, no.

That's not what I was trying to do.

That's not it.

And then have you noticed that that literally has never helped ever?

So if you notice that you've done it, you need to acknowledge that's actually never helped at all.

At least we'll say this in that moment because it's just not the right time for this.

It's not the right time to explain intent.

And we have to be honest here, it does show that you need to better understand the big difference between your intent and the impact. Now, before we define the difference and really break it down, an example from a recent

session, I think will be helpful. So we were working with the couple through a frustration that's

really been like creating some recurring tense conversations or even leading to an argument about work versus family time.

And he was arguing that he was working so hard, even sometimes on what was supposed to be just like a family day, like a Saturday or a Sunday.

And he kept saying, my intention is to

create, you know, security for us. That's why I'm doing this. You're totally misunderstanding.

And she was saying, okay, but the impact is that I feel unprioritized. I feel unloved. I feel lonely,

...