Hi, I'm Willow Belden and you're listening to Out There, the podcast that explores big questions through intimate stories in the outdoors.

Mother's Day is coming up soon, and for those of us who have lost our mothers, it can be a tough time.

It's a time when you have so much love you want to give away, and no one to give it to.

You watch your friends writing cards, mailing packages, taking their mothers out to brunch.

You see others going on hikes or playing in the

park with their own little ones in tow. You help new fathers figure out what to give their

wives for their first ever Mother's Day. And you wish so acutely that you could hug your mom

just once more and tell her thank you.

Today's story comes to us from a woman who lost her mother much too early.

As you might imagine, her mom's death left a gaping hole in her life.

But this story isn't about that, at least not really.

Instead, it's about the things we can learn about our loved ones, long But this story isn't about that, at least not really.

Instead, it's about the things we can learn about our loved ones long after they're gone,

about the things we can gain from them even in their absence,

about following in their footsteps and continuing conversations we thought had forever ended.

I'll let Camille von Cannell take it from here.

Growing up, I always wondered whether my mother had thrown away her life. I saw her as a pretty stereotypical homemaker, a stay-at-home mom, carding us around to soccer games and filling her time with arts and crafts and cooking clubs.

She seemed satisfied enough, but I wanted more for her.

Her life seemed so constraining, so devoid of excitement and adventure.

I wanted my life to be different.

My father had climbed the Himalayas, and he had what seemed like a fulfilling job at a promising

startup.

...