Tessa West: Your Job Is A Marriage & How To Uplevel Your Relationship Together

The Kevin Miller Podcast

Kevin Miller

Education, Relationships, How To, Social Sciences, Nutrition, Life Sciences, Spirituality, Medicine, Religion & Spirituality, Science, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.4 • 1.4K Ratings

🗓️ 19 August 2024

⏱️ 86 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We are all going to work. For most of our lives. We applaud people for their anniversaries. “Oh, you’ve been married for 10 years, congratulations.” Or the big celebration you have for a couple who has been married for 50 years! Well, most of us will work for nearly 50 years. I had my first consistent job at about 13, started my first business at 15, and my intent is to live till I’m 90 and work till then. That would put me at 75 years of working. You will also spend more time with your work than your spouse if you don’t include sleeping. So in essence, the greatest marriage of your life will be your work. What kind of relationship will you have with this primary spouse? My guest is Dr. Tessa West, who is a Professor of Psychology at New York University where she is a leading expert on the science of social relationships. She has over 100 academic publications and is a regular contributor to the Wall Street Journal. Her work has been covered by Scientific American, the New York Times, Financial Times, The Guardian, CNN, CNBC, ABC World News, TIME, Bloomberg, HBR, Fast Company, and the US Supreme Court. Her first book was Jerks at Work and now she’s published a book titled, Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works For You. In the book she posits the comparison between our work and a marriage. She says at the core we have deep, intimate feelings about our work and it is a primary ingredient in our self image and overall drive for life. This is where I dug in with Tessa. With all the focus on the topic of work I’ve had, I’ve never really gone down the trail of looking to our feelings and emotions and core relationship with it. This conversation will forever change how I view my relationship with my work. Find Tessa at tessawestauthor.com Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected]. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer. Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout. Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the What Drives You podcast. I'm Kevin Miller. I produce this show to help us all continually discover where we want to go, why, and how to best get there.
0:11.0	All the while in joining the drive as much as the destinations we want to reach.
0:16.0	In this episode your job is a marriage and how to uplevel your relationship together.
0:23.0	We are all going to work for most of our lives.
0:27.0	You know, we applaud people for their anniversaries.
0:30.0	Oh, you've been married for 10 years,
0:32.0	congrats, or the big celebration you have for a couple who's been married for 50 years.
0:37.0	Well, most of us will work for nearly 50 years, married to our work. I actually had my first consistent job at 13 years old.
0:47.2	Started my first business when I was 15. My intents to live till 90 if I am able to and if I do I'll be working until then.
0:56.4	That'd put me at about 75 years of working. But you'll also spend more time with your work during those years than your spouse if you don't include
1:06.2	sleeping. So in essence the greatest marriage of your life is going to be your work.
1:10.6	I've never thought about it that way till now. So then we think what kind of relationship will you have with this primary spouse?
1:19.0	So my guest is Dr. Tessa West. She is a professor of psychology at New York University
1:26.1	where she's a leading expert on the science of social relationships.
1:30.6	She's got over a hundred academic publications. She's a regular contributor to the Wall Street Journal.
1:36.0	Her work's been covered by Scientific America, the New York Times, Financial Times, The Guardian,
1:41.0	CNN, CNN, NBC, ABC World News, Time, Bloomberg, Fast Company, the U.S. Supreme Court even.
1:48.0	Well her first book was Jerks at Work and now she's published a book titled Job Therapy, Finding Work that Works for You.
1:56.5	In the book is where she posits the comparison between our work and a primary personal relationship like a marriage.
2:04.6	I really honed in on the aspect of marriage.
2:07.4	She says that at the core we have these deep intimate feelings about our work and it's a primary ingredient in our overall self-image, our
2:15.2	identity and our overall drive for a life. So that's where I dug in with
	...

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