This will squash the beef between you guys, okay?

This is a speech.

It's called, why can't we all just be friends again?

Okay.

I hate when my co-hosts fight.

It's like watching two preschoolers do hate crimes on each other.

Why can't you just go back to showing each other your pee-ps under the play structure?

Caleb, just because Patrick's cats remind you of

the Asian cats from the Aristocats doesn't give you the right to break into Pat's house and go,

quote, Walberg mode. And Patrick, just because Caleb looks like Commander Snoke on hormones,

doesn't give you the right to try and blow him up in your ex-l-wing starfighter.

Caleb, you are like if Jim Carries the mask join the Aryan Brotherhood, and Patrick, you are also like a Jim Carrey movie, but I can't remember which one it was.

Man, the size of the moon?

The number 7-Eleven?

Obese Ventura Pud defective?

Anyway, the point is, you guys should try to get along more.

Patrick, just try pretending Caleb's lumpy bald head is a potato.

I think you'll discover a newfound ancestral love for him.

You might even start to find it hard to live without him.

And Caleb, just pretend Patrick can write prescriptions for suboxone.

I'm pretty sure you'll find yourself practically ripping off his ginkos to suck his dick.

Can't you guys see you're meant to be?

...