Dear brothers, this is Stu.

Me and my wife have been married for 20 years.

Our marriage is great.

She has a very tight hoo-ha, and I've always found her extremely attractive.

Parentheses, we have sex about twice a month.

She is insatiable.

I, like many of your listeners, am a hardcore gamer.

But recently, I've been going back and playing some classics that I missed over the years,

as I mostly play Pokemon games, Animal Crossing, and Picto Chat with my daughter's friends.

One of these games I've been playing is Halo, an absolutely terrifying horror game for the Xbox.

Now, I did not enjoy the game, but after finishing the campaign, all I can think about all day at my WeWork Cube is that Blue Minks Cortana.

She's taken over my every thought, as if I am Spartan 117, and she is installed in my helmet.

It's bizarre, because I don't usually have fantasies about women unless you count those choice Looney Tunes episodes where Bugs Bunny dresses

in drag. It wouldn't be a problem, except it's starting to interfere my marriage. At first,

I couldn't help myself from saying little subtle comments like, hey, what if you were a blue

female artificial intelligence? But I'm afraid it's escalated since then. I am now dosing my wife with three milligrams of chemical silver in her morning coffee in an

attempt to turn her skin a more bluish tone.

I realize this is morally wrong, but I cannot control my own impulses to bust a creamy

load inside of Cortana and watch it fall through her holographic body.

Brothers, my question is, how do you get over a girl?