You're listening to Comedy Central.

America has always been home to titans of industry,

but only one capitalist in history has ever been this much of a jerk.

I'm Jeff Bezos.

I'm the founder of Amazon.com.

This is the daily showography of Jeff Bezos,

history's most powerful nerd.

Born to teenage parents in Albuquerque, New Mexico,

Jeff's identity asserted itself early.

I was a very nerdy and good student. I liked school.

His favorite place in the world was Radio Shack, where he developed an appreciation for technology,

cheap garbage from China, and underpaying workers.

After graduating from high school as valedictorian, Jeff attended Princeton, one of the best colleges for nerds.

Socially, I was a little awkward. I didn't really date much until like my last year of college.

Actually, I set up sort of a formal plan to date. I'll have had all my friends set me up on

blind dates. None of them worked out very well. Yes, despite many positive reviews from his friends,

women found the actual product wasn't what they had been led to believe. After college,

Bezos joined a Wall Street hedge fund. On Wall Street, Bezos also found something almost as good as money,

his future ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott.

She would later tell Vogue magazine it was Jeff's laugh that made her fall in love with him.

Hey, sometimes love is blind and deaf.

It was around this time that Jeff noticed that the world Hey, sometimes love is blind and deaf.

...