Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I'm going to be sharing a success story

that I received that exemplifies several important aspects of the parenting approach that I teach

and describes how these ideas are benefiting this family in some surprising ways. The letter

talks about trusting a baby as a capable person and accepting their feelings. In short, we could

say it's about in my mentor, Magda Gerber's words, doing less, observing more, enjoying most.

Okay, here's the note I received. Dear Janet, I grew up believing and still largely believe

that I had the best childhood ever. There hasn't been a day of my life that I didn't know I was

deeply loved and delighted in. However, I was raised in a conservative, evangelical community where

spanking was the norm and sin nature was the engine behind all undesirable behavior and that the

goal of parenting was to eradicate behaviors based on that behavior's desirability to the parent.

As my own faith evolved or devolved depending, I knew what I didn't want to perpetuate,

but that alone did not give me positive alternatives and new tools felt like new wine and old wine

skins to borrow the analogy. I tried attachment parenting, but it was very overwhelming and

seemed yet another impossible standard, another burden falling disproportionately on the shoulders

of, in my case, the woman. How could the goal be to have a child that never cries? How can I be

human and meet my own needs when I am the be all-end all for someone else's needs and sometimes

multiple someone else's? I had read a bit about rye during pregnancy, but so many articles just

focused on you have to ask permission to pick up your baby and that's ridiculous. I missed the

message. When I really dug in, it was truly a revelation. I really got into it before a cross-country

flight to see my parents and I was so concerned about how I would entertain, placate my baby for

that long. Your podcast gave me all the tools and confidence I needed and helped me set appropriate

expectations, not just for my baby, but for myself as well, and we had a sublime flight. I observed

...