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And instead of trying to control the other person, really exploring it and seeing how we can dance together, willingly, wanting to, not because we feel

forced or controlled. It wasn't until these last seven years me building a life with Vanessa,

where I start to realize, oh, I have not done this in other relationships. I have subtly tried to

get people to love me in the way that I

want them to or I would not define this love. So love to be effective must speak the dialect the other

person understands. I like this because imagine that you guys literally are speaking different

love language and you try to communicate, right?

One person is speaking Chinese, the other one's speaking Spanish.

For many people, that's how they love each other.

Just different languages.

And then each refusing to learn the other person's language.

I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable fuck before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.

Just honest.

So I just got a shower.

Any Costa Rico,

you're always going to the shower, coming out of the shower,

washing off sand, etc.

And I just ran around the house naked for a second like my five and a half year old does.

...