Well, welcome back, everyone at the School of Greatest. We've got Vanessa Van Edwards in the house. Good to see you. We are talking all things, Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. I think the facial cues we give people really put off a lot of if we can trust someone, if we can't trust someone, you know, if someone's interested, if they're enrolled, if they're unenrolled, all these different things. For 20 years, I had four missing teeth when I was, I guess it was 16 and a half I got eight teeth removed four wisdom and then four more on the sides for many years, 20 years of my life I had these gaps, right? And so I'd always smirk kind of aside to kind of hide to hide it.

What?

And I don't know if that helped me or hurt me. And you're like, no, didn't. So I would smile big, but then I would kind of like half smirk sometimes. I've seen your smirk. And after, my book cover too is kind of like just smiling. But it's a big smile, but it's not a showing the teeth smile. Is it better to smile without teeth or with teeth in order to enroll people in you as a human being to get anything you want in your life?

What research found is that a real smile, whether it shows teeth or not, the only, the biggest difference is it has to reach up here.

The eyes.

The upper cheek muscles, actually. So those eye. Yeah, yeah. I do that a lot though. I feel like I squint a lot. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, you got a little smizing, right? So that's actually the only cue we're looking for. So it actually does not matter. So if you have a profile picture, a dating profile picture, a LinkedIn profile picture, I either want you neutral or with eye crinkles. The worst is sort of that in between. Now, I don't mind like a soft up mouth,

right? You and I both have this on our book covers, a soft up mouth, but it has to engage those upper cheek muscles. What Dr. Barbara Wilde found is that when they showed pictures of people with the fake smile

and a real smile, the real smile was contagious.

So when people looked at the real smile, they themselves felt happier.

When they looked at the fake smile, they felt no mood change.

Interesting.

So the reason why that's important is I think that we think about like, oh, I want to show

up, I want to be really my most confident self, but what we don't realize is that our cues are contagious. Yes. That if you show authentic happiness, you are more likely to infect happiness. Actually, there's one more face cue I want to talk about. So this is the cue that sort of started me on this crazy journey and it got me, I'm a recovering awkward person, as you know.

So this gave me a lot of relief, introvert, awkward person, social anxiety, all the good things.

So this story gave me so much relief.

What they found was, if you were in a room and someone gives you a cue of social rejection.

What does that look like?

Okay, so social rejection, I roll a sigh of social rejection. What does that look like? Okay, so social rejection, eye

roll, a sigh. Looking away. Looking away, distancing behavior when we pull our head back and

like, when I angle my head back, you know I've just disengaged from you. Crossing arms.

Crossing arms, a sudden nonverbal rejection. Is this turning feet also? Turning, yes. Oh, we can talk about feet. Okay, we can talk about feet. Hands and feet are so... Huge. You know, it's interesting, I look at the hands and feet all the time. I can't remember why I got this from you, years ago. It's like looking at the hands and seeing are they in the pocket, are they not a pocket? Yes. But go ahead.

We'll get back to that. Okay, so social rejection cues, and you know this. If you're in a business meeting and you suddenly feel like, am I disliked? Oh, he doesn't like this. She doesn't like this. When we see a cue of social rejection, our field of vision increases. We see wider. We literally see wider. Our pupils dilates so we see more.

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