What if the apology, the change, the parent you always wanted… never comes? This episode dives into the painful hope that keeps so many adult children of dysfunctional families stuck.

Alana Carvalho is a licensed mental health counselor, author, and speaker specializing in codependency, perfectionism, and relationships. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family herself, Alana knows firsthand the toll enmeshment and unhealthy dynamics can take — and she’s turned that lived experience into a mission to help others untangle from toxic patterns and build healthier, more authentic connections.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• The Cost of Waiting for Parents to Change – Why holding onto the hope of an apology or transformation from a dysfunctional parent can keep adult children stuck in cycles of pain and disappointment.
• Perfectionism as Survival Mode – How growing up in chaos wires us to believe love and safety are earned through achievement, control, and being “good enough.”
• Codependency Isn’t Compassion – The difference between true empathy and the compulsive caretaking that comes from enmeshment, blurred boundaries, and survival conditioning.
• The Fantasy of Repair in Therapy – Why bringing abusive or narcissistic parents into therapy often backfires, and what true healing requires instead.
• Healthy Love After Dysfunction – How breaking free from family enmeshment creates space for authentic selfhood, intimacy, and relationships rooted in freedom rather than fear.

⬇️DAMN THE JOIN SHITSHOW - ADULT CHILD HEALING COMMUNITY⬇️

https://theshitshow.mn.co

• 4 weekly zoom support groups (Sun 3: 30 pm EST, Mon 8:30 pm EST, Tues 1 pm EST, & Thurs 8:30 pm EST)
• Support community at your fingertips with discussion boards and chat

SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION - ADULT CHILD NEWSLETTER

👩HELP A GIRL & CAT EAT🐱  

www.buymeacoffee.com/adultchild

🛍️SHITSHOW MERCH🛍️

www.adultchildpodcast.com/shop

🎙️NEW TO THE POD🎙️

How I learned I was an Adult Child - The Tale of 2 Brians

THE LAUNDRY LIST - Common Characteristics of an Adult Child

Follow Andrea on social

www.instagram.com/adultchildpod

www.tiktok.com/@adultchildpod

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy