The Crystal Gims and Stephen Universe are not what you think.

So, are they aliens? Robots? Just plain old rocks?

Well, you're not going to believe the real-world science behind these best buds.

And worst of all, if the Crystal Gims were real, our boy Stephen Universe, shouldn't even be alive.

Hello, Internet! Welcome to Film Theory, the show that knows that if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs.

And if you don't know what that little nugget of wisdom is all about, then you've been missing out on the whimsical world that is Stephen Universe.

I'm there ready for this.

Get it.

In case you haven't seen this 20-teens Cartoon Network classic, Steven Universe follows the

fantastical adventures of a boy named, well, Steven Universe.

Stephen lives in a quiet beach town with his three cool alien guardians, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl,

collectively known as the Crystal Gems.

Get it, because they're all named after...

...anyway. Throughout the series, Stephen and the gems go on wacky adventures. Discover a lot about themselves and each other, and in the end, as the theme song puts it, they always save the day. So, Stephen Universe is one of those shows that I've always seen around, but never actually had the time to sit down and watch. My friend writer from Foot of Affair was an evangelist for this show show and always told me it was worth it. And now that I'm the film theorist, I finally had the time to actually justify sitting down to watch this series. And I gotta say, I was blown away. One minute, this show is a totally unserious comedy. Have you seen a gem shard anywhere? It's very important.

No, have you seen my pants?

They're also very important.

And then the next, I'm feeling all the feels.

I never asked for it to be this way.

I never asked to be made.

And after laughing and crying, I just knew we had to do a theory on it.

And thankfully, there's a lot here. For example, while the plot of this series itself is pretty self-explanatory, there was one part of this franchise that did feel a bit confusing for my theorist brain. The crystal gyms themselves. Like, what are they? How do their bodies work? They don't need to eat, but they do like to sometimes? If they're hurt

really badly, they poof back into their gyms like a polka ball. Heck, series creator Rebecca

...