Welcome to episode 159 of the Recovery Show. This is Spencer. As I said last week, I have been traveling.

Today I'm bringing you Stepping Stones to Serenrenity part two. This is steps four five and six as presented by

Ellen C in 2008.

Let's see if everybody's back in their seats. Okay. We are at step four, which says, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

That would be the kicker. That's the hard part. I did my first fourth step because I wanted to be a real Allenon.

There seemed to be something in the eyes of people.

It seemed like every meeting I went to was on the fourth step.

You know, when you haven't done one, every meeting you go through

there talking about the four step. And there's a look in the face of folks who've done their

inventory and the fifth step. And I wanted to be a real Allenon. I thought that's where you got the secret handshake, you know, or the, or the password or whatever it was going to be.

I'm so grateful that this step said fear less and not fear free.

It just says fear less.

I just had to be in Allen on long enough

to be not too scared to do it. I just had to have a little bit of space between me and some old thoughts to be able to turn around and look at them. There isn't any wrong way to do an inventory.

There are lots and lots of ways to do it. There are no wrong ways. Just do it. Just do it. There are plenty of ideas out there and my

sponsor always had us go through the columns in the big book. I had difficulty with that because

it allowed me to start off pointing my finger at who had done this terrible thing to me.

And I had a very hard time getting over to the other columns. I'm just

all full of what they did and who they were. This is supposed to be an inventory of my actions, my reactions, my feelings, my perception of what happened.

When I did my first inventory, maybe the most honest thing I said to her was I don't know how much of this is true.

I don't know how much of it's true. I made up a lot of stuff, you know, and thank God I made up the stuff. I don't think I would have survived. I don't

think I would have survived if I hadn't made up stories, if I didn't have denial. And she said it doesn't matter whether it's true or not. All that matters is that's your perception.

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