Stan Tatkin: Love, Danger, Deviance and Conflict.
Good Life Project
Jonathan Fields / Acast
4.5 • 3.4K Ratings
🗓️ 5 February 2018
⏱️ 66 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
How do you keep love alive? It's not what you think!
This week, we're diving deep into love, romance, danger, conflict, fact, fantasy and truth with Dr. Stan Tatkin, (http://www.stantatkin.com/) a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). Tatkin's practice is based in Calabasas, California, where for the last 20 years he has specialized in working with couples, and also individuals who want to be in a relationship.
Tatkin and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, Ph.D., founded the PACT Institute (https://thepactinstitute.com/) where they train psychotherapists to use the PACT method in their clinical practice. They lead couple workshops and train therapists all over the world.
Tatkin is also the author of numerous books, including Wired for LOVE: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship. (http://amzn.to/2GKMJWK)
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | All you got to love yourself before you can love another person, you got to know yourself |
| 0:07.2 | before you can be in a relationship. |
| 0:09.0 | I mean, it's all bullshit because developmentally we don't do anything by ourselves without |
| 0:14.6 | having it done first to us. |
| 0:16.8 | So we learn everything from the outside in the beginning and then we learn it in tandem. |
| 0:22.3 | I learn to love myself at the same time as I learn to love you. |
| 0:25.8 | They're together. |
| 0:27.1 | They co-exist. |
| 0:28.1 | I learn to know myself by knowing you very well and being open to you what you have to say |
| 0:32.6 | about me because that's how I know myself is in connection to another person. |
| 0:37.3 | It's all interactive. |
| 0:38.6 | It's all inter-subjective. |
| 0:39.6 | So these ideas give people the notion that they should not be in relationship but practice |
| 0:44.9 | in a cave or read a book or go to therapy, which is not a bad idea, of course, or just |
| 0:49.5 | do workshops. |
| 0:50.5 | But this is a learning by doing you. |
| 0:53.1 | You can't learn outside of a relationship. |
| 0:55.0 | You have to be in one and fail and learn and fail and get better and learn its own. |
| 1:05.4 | When this week's guest Stan Tatkin's marriage melted down, he really was at a loss. |
| 1:10.8 | He was a skill therapist, somebody who had built his career helping people, understanding |
| 1:17.6 | dysfunction on all levels and personality disorders and challenges. |
| 1:22.7 | And for some reason, when things started to go south in the most meaningful relationship |
... |
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