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Hello and welcome to Spectator Out Loud, where each week we choose some of our favourite pieces from the magazine and ask their writers to read them aloud.

I'm Patrick Gibbons and on this week's podcast, William Atkinson reveals his teenage brush with a microbeus.

Andreas Roth bemoans the catastrophic dumbing down a German education.

Philip Womack examines how the hyphen turned political.

In the latest example of Black Mirror come to life, Mary Wakefield says hello to AI grannies.

And finally, Muriel Zaga looks at the cult of Powell and Pressburgers. I know where I'm going. Up first, William Atkinson. Like Adolf Hitler, I have been involved in a Channel 4 documentary

about penises. We also share a love for watercolours and a partiality for Wagner, for that

I can promise readers is where the similarities end.

But back to penises, the furor's genitalia, or lack thereof, is a feature of a new documentary,

Hitler's DNA blueprint of a dictator. The documentary makers have examined a scrap of the bloodied fabric from the

bunker sofa upon which Hitler blew his brains out, and the long, but mostly the short,

their findings are that history's most evil man likely had underdeveloped sexual organs,

including a micro penis and an underscended testicle. So now we know that the popular wartime ditty,

Hitler has only got one ball, was rather closer to the mark than we had previously assumed.

The news reminded me of my own brush with Todger television. Back in 2019, I was kicking my heels

during the Long University summer holiday. Looking through various Facebook groups,

I stumbled across an internship for a documentary about masculinity in the 21st century.

I'm a bloke, I thought.

I have two weeks free, and a CV that needs some padding.

...