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Southern drawl.

I don't want to alarm you, but southern accents are disappearing.

The Associated Press reported that due to an influx of new residents within the lower U.S.

Dixie dialects are fading into oblivion.

Oblivion, that was the word they used.

Well, my cow in the morning, as Jimbo's mother would say, "'I don't even know where oblivion is. "'Somewhere up near Cincinnati, I think, and this will never do. "'If we lose southern draws, that means there will be no more rednecks, "'and if there are no more rednecks wandering the earth, "'and that means I'm dead. "'And if I'm room temperature, then who's driving my truck, and I really, really don't want my brother-in-law to have it? So let's just calm down a minute. There's got to be something we can do about this oblivion thing here. And as it happens, I've got a humble idea. I think the only hope for our wayward nation, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this,

is my mother-in-law. That's right. She is going to save us from oblivion. We're going to start a southern school, and my mother-in-law will be the dean. Now, if you've never met her, she speaks

like a jar of unrefrigerated K. Rose Serb. She uses words like wonderful and simply marvelous.

Yes, here at Southern Academic Speech School, abbreviated Sass.

Mother Mary promises to teach authentic Southern dialect.

And kids will learn other Southern values, too, like how to write thank you cards, proper coozy etiquette, and how to dump peanuts into Coca-Cola.

For morning exercises, students recite the Lord's Prayer in five different languages.

Georgian, Alabama, Mississippi, good old boy, and Methodist.

Students also dine on southern cuisine.

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