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Sofa King Podcast

SOFA KING CLASSIC: Chupacabra – Return of the Q-tip lady

Sofa King Podcast

Sofa King Podcast

Comedy, History, Society & Culture

4.81.4K Ratings

🗓️ 19 March 2021

⏱️ 79 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

One last classic episode release before we get back to business. Thank you for being patient. If you want to learn more about the mysterious Chupacabra, listen to this episode of the Sofa King Podcast. In this episode, we delve back into the realm of cryptozoology and discuss the possibility and reality of this allegedly elusive creature. First getting international media attention in 1995 with the discovery of 8 dead sheep in Puerto Rico (which were not eaten but apparently had their blood drained), the Chupacabra literally means “goat sucker.” Within the first year, 200 alleged incidents were reported in Puerto Rico alone. So many animals were found dead that the national guard was called in to search the area looking for the mysterious killer. Since then, the Chupacabra has apparently morphed. Experts claim there are two types, a reptilian type (typically seen in Latin America and the Caribbean) and a canid type (typically seen in the United States). We examine the likelihood of an unknown creature existing in the jungles down south (it’s pretty high, actually…) and then turn our attention to the American version since there is a lot of photographic evidence and video footage. We even explore a pretty awesome video from Texas in which a pretty awesome couple captures a live Chupacabra. And of course, we can’t cover something as controversial in conspiracy theory circles as this without touching a little bit on UFOs and wacky theories of genetic animal hybrids created by beaming new DNA into an organism with electricity. Oh, and there’s also the case of voodoo queen Marie Laveau and the New Orleans Grunch (it involves a Devil Baby and testicles, so you don’t want to miss that). So what’s the bottom line? Is the Chupacabra real, a hoax, a case of mistaken identity? Listen, laugh, learn.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Pablo, looks like someone sucked the blood out of our goats!

0:03.2

Who the hell would do that?

0:04.8

You wanna know who'd be sucking all these gouts?

0:08.2

I'm a chupacabra, legendary creature, tiny ass goat, you know I'm gonna eat you, I suck goats like a bad mother freak!

0:19.3

Cabra means goat, chupa means sucker, blood sucking stud at a goat buffet, yeah I be sucking on goats like every day

0:27.1

My thick ass skin is like ancient armor, I suck more goats in an appellation farmer, wanna roll with me?

0:33.4

Then you're out of luck, unless you be bringing some goats to suck!

0:37.4

You think I'm lying man, I'll sleep you throat, you best believe me what I say!

0:41.4

I suck so much goat!

0:43.4

He's a two-pounder, that's why he can't move!

0:47.5

Shark ass bangs, big old wings, we were getting anything!

0:51.7

Oh yeah, he's a pro!

0:52.8

I came to chew bubble gum and suck on goats, and I'm all out of gum!

0:56.2

That's my favorite part, I suck on goats every weekend, weekend if I ate sucking goats then I'm probably sleeping!

1:02.7

I've got a goat sucking process, you know you want it, number one, find a goat, number two, suck on it!

1:07.8

I've sucked on goats, we get a new Orleans, I suck more goats than a milk machine!

1:12.8

I'm the greatest of all time, can't you see?

1:15.7

Due to the oats, of the aids, of the teeth, chupa, cabra, satin?

1:19.3

I hope you take note, I'm a bloodthirsty gangster, I'm a suck, you'll go!

1:23.7

Is that you bugger?

1:25.0

So are you on my mixtape?

1:26.6

Does this answer your question?

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