We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick.

We are receiving this message.

We are Ken Jennings and John Roderick. We speak to you from our present, which we can only assume is your distant past, the turbulent time that was the early 21st century.

Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began this

monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge.

These recordings represent our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

So whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our transmissions,

this is our legacy to you.

This is our time capsule.

This is the omnibus. Oh, You have accessed entry 1178 dot 2 T0313

certificate number 35570.

Soapy Smith.

With a pistol in his pocket and a rifle in his hands.

Soapy went alone to fight the vigilante band

to shoot a few and chase the rest into the icy bay.

They'd wish they'd never mess with Sophie's

Smith and Old Skagway.

Now you and I are both Americans from the Western states.

It's kind of our brand.

And we have...

We don't like Eastern.

We don't like those Dudes.

...