Oh, everyone settled down. Alright, it's now September, which means the 2024 elections are...

Soon! We gotta get ahead, okay? We need the freshest takes. I won't move from this spot until I can tell you who the next president will be.

Even if I have to lie and make it up, as you know, the first GOP primary debate just happened. And it was...

Fine. Lots of stuff happened. We definitely watched it. My favorite part was when the white guy said the thing. No, not him. The other one.

You know, he said the thing about the border? Did they talk about the border? Probably. Candidates love talking about the border.

Both the GOPis and the Domo rats go turd wild for those sexy map lines and securing those lines and accusing other people of not securing those lines.

And so we thought, as a fun little treat, we would actually take a look at our border. What is it? Is it secure? How can we protect this country from the scourge on our great society that is Canadians?

What's going on with our border?

Okay, so it actually says here that we're not going to talk about our northern border after all. Damn it!

No one ever talks about the Canadian border. Do they not remember 1812? You burned down our White House? Well, we're going to burn down your...

Whatever they have in Canada. Wherever Michael Sarah was born, we'll burn it down. Anyway, so sorry. I'm worked up.

But here is some more news. It turns out that today we're talking about the supposed crisis on our southern border. It's scary folks. You know it's scary because both politicians and the media tell us it's very scary.

And also that it's specifically Joe Biden's fault.

We are nauseatingly familiar now with the scenes of chaos after Biden opened the border to pander to the far left extremists who run his party.

We know how it happened. Joe Biden on day one said we're going to not build the wall. We're not going to have any deportations and we're not going to have the remain in Mexico policy.

Narco terrorists organizations who have completely taken over Mexico infiltrated the Mexican government and who are now running operations unimpeded throughout America.

Here's a map showing where they are active and yes, it is basically everywhere in almost every city. This crisis has been building for the last couple of years.

And you Joe, the border was never a thing until you became the president. So obviously Fox News in particular likes to beat off this incredibly dead horse.

Super gross jacking off a corpse like that. But why wouldn't they? That's why they're called the corpse jackers.

Also, it's an easy Biden dunk to claim that there's a sudden and unprecedented border surge under his watch.

To the point that the GOP led House Judiciary Committee border hearing was titled the Biden border crisis like it's a freaking Newsmax segment.

But while there absolutely is a recent surge at the border, a lot of the right wing coverage seems to dare I say, be missing some nuance.

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