May I have your attention please you can now book your train tickets on Uber and get

10% back in credits to spend on your next Uber ride so you don't have to walk home in the brain again.

Trains, now on Uber. T's and C's apply. Check the Uber app. Standard Issue for all women.

Hello and welcome to episode 121 of the Standard Issue Podzine.

I'm Mickey Noonan and I recently bought a pair of Birkenstock sliders from eBay and they are proper queephers

It basically sounds like walking makes me terrified

Do you remember those trainers I had a latitude that did that and Jen kept saying are you sure you're not farting?

I was like I am definitely not farting it is the trainers and I love them and it was really weird because with the squeak they made that weird smell as well. It was really strange, Hannah.

Yes, I'm Hannah Dunleavy and since we last spoke I've been to a pub and to a beach and neither were in anywhere as busy as

Twitter had led me to believe just FYI. Did you shit in a box and leave it

somewhere? No not that what we did was we just booted down the door of someone's beach heart and just went in there.

Did you see that story though, a woman said that she'd found 13 turds in her beach heart?

Oh, that's horrific. I don't know where it was but what I want to know is if I was

desperate absolutely, absolutely desperate for shit I can't imagine that I would ever do that but the least appealing place for me to have a

shit would be a place where 12 other people have also done a shit.

Yeah you're right it's like when you go into a toilet in the pub and you check and

if it's already got a poo in it you don't

poo in that toilet.

You flash it and then you go in the other toilet because then you're like I'm saving somebody else

from the horror of finding that but the trouble with that is if it doesn't go away, people sometimes

hold you responsible for the floater.

That happened to me at the frog and bucket once when I was about to go on stage, and I went in,

...