When someone comes to you with a question, should I stay or should I go? What do you look for first?

Yeah. So usually that falls into two buckets, right? The first bucket is the person who's constantly

asking, should I stay or should I go, has been asking it through multiple relationships,

multiple jobs,

constantly in that question. And then the other one is somebody who's been in a relationship for a while and now they've come across this question. They've been in a job for a while,

and now they've come across the question. And so the first thing I look for is which of these two

are the case. Now, there's something that's very similar

about both of them, but there's stuff that's very different about both of them. And so that's,

that's what I first look for before we like look for any kind of resolution or how to get

to the other side of it. Great. So how do you look for that? How do you, how do you tell which of

these it is? I just ask them. Okay. So I come to you and I'm like, hey, I've been in this job for a while. I don't know if it's the right job. I feel like I should leave. Maybe if I'd lose all the benefits and the money and I don't know what I'd do otherwise. Yeah. Maybe I should stay.

It's safer.

Yeah.

So the first thing I find out is how long is this been happening?

Is this something that's been occurring over and over and over again?

And then with those folks, I try to understand what's the background that allowed that to

occur.

So typically, the way that that pattern works is somehow or another commitment felt really horrible.

Like commitment didn't feel good.

And typically what that means is that they were asked to be deeply ameshed in a relationship with a parent or a teacher or a

grandparent or something like that, where you can't be yourself, you have to do, you have to

bend yourself around me, please me, you know, whether that's through like excessive guilt or

...