Shitshow Saturday #208 - Wanting to Be Chosen
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley
4.9 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 6 June 2026
⏱️ 34 minutes
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Pick me, pick me, pick me. |
| 0:15.1 | The desire to be chosen is one of the deepest wounds for adult children of dysfunction. |
| 0:19.2 | Let's look at where it lives. |
| 0:22.1 | In romantic relationships, auditioning inside their relationship, performing the children of dysfunction. Let's look at where it lives. In romantic relationships, |
| 0:26.0 | auditioning inside their relationship, performing the version of yourself you think they want instead of being the version that's actually you because the actual you might not get chosen. |
| 0:31.3 | Some adult children chase the unavailable partner over and over because the high of almost |
| 0:35.3 | being chosen by someone who can't quite choose you |
| 0:39.3 | is the exact emotional shape of the original parent. Some settle for crumbs and call it love. |
| 0:45.2 | Some flip it entirely and become the chooser, the one who holds the power. Either way, the relationship |
| 0:50.4 | isn't really about the partner. It's about the original wound, hoping this time it gets a |
| 0:54.7 | different ending. At work, the desire to be the favorite employee to be picked for the project, |
| 1:00.3 | the promotion, the special assignment. A lot of adult children are wildly overfunctioning at a work, |
| 1:05.6 | not because they love the work, but because the workplace is a recreation of the original family. Getting passed over |
| 1:13.3 | for a promotion can feel like an annihilation event, way out of proportion. Oh, look at that, |
| 1:19.6 | Christy, way out of proportion to what actually is. But it's not really about the promotion. It's about |
| 1:26.0 | they didn't pick me again. In friendships, |
| 1:30.6 | wanting to be someone's best friend or the one they call for, seeing two friends hang out without |
| 1:34.8 | you and feeling like a kid who didn't get invited to the birthday party. Friendships and |
| 1:39.1 | dysfunctional families were often the only place we got chosen. So we hold on to them with a death grip and read every |
| 1:46.4 | interaction for evidence of our rank. With our parents still, this is the one nobody wants to talk about. |
| 1:53.1 | So many adult children are still in their 40s and 50s and 60s trying to be chosen by the parent |
| 1:58.7 | who never chose them, still performing, still hoping this will be |
... |
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