The expectations we don't question.

Most of us don't walk around thinking I have unrealistic expectations of myself.

We walk around thinking, I'm not doing enough.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family teaches you what you're supposed to be, and the lesson sticks.

Not as a memory, but as a standard.

A bar that feels like the bare minimum, but is actually impossible to clear consistently we don't

question these expectations because they don't sound like expectations they sound like obviously

they tend to show up in a few places who i am expectations about character and. I should be the strong one. I should be

kind. I shouldn't be needy. I shouldn't be angry. That's not who I am. These feel like personality,

but they're often assignments handed to us in childhood that we've mistaken for who we are. What I do, expectations about output, productivity,

what we accomplish. I should be productive. I should make a good reading. That's for me. I should

make a good reading. I should be successful. I should be doing more what we're supposed to be generating in the world in order to earn our seat.

What I feel expectations about emotional experience. What feelings are allowed, how big they can be, how long they can last.

I shouldn't still be sad about this. I should be

grateful. I shouldn't be this angry. I should be over it by now. I should be able to handle this

without falling apart. For people with complex trauma, this is often the most police domain.

Feelings were punished, ignored, or used against us, so the rules we hold about our own

emotional life tend to be the stickiest, strictest. How I show up, expectations about how we're

perceived, the impression we make, the energy we bring, I should seem like I have it together. I should be the

one people can lean on. I shouldn't show that I'm struggling. For adult children, there's often a

wide gap between who we are and how we show up and the expectations of this domain are often

about keeping the gap hidden. What I need or want, expectations about how much we're allowed to need one or ask for.

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