Sex, Slaves & Pickled Children: The Wild Origins of Christmas
Crowned & Cancelled
Shallon Lester
4.7 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 21 December 2025
⏱️ 37 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jesus is the reason for the season...right? Eh, not really. I'll break down the Roman festivals, Pagan rituals, and Victorian branding that turned sex-drenched slave parties, serial killers and a vengeful saint into the Christmas we know today—from Christmas trees to Santa Claus.
Plus, why exactly Jesus' message made such an impression on the blood-loving Romans!
Thank you for listening to the first season of Crowned & Cancelled! If you need some holiday help, join me in our exclusive community for high value women looking for support and sisterhood, The Shallontourage! Try us free for a week you'll know if it's for you ;)
Special thank you to our researcher for this episode, Barbara, who you can find at https://docenshistoria.com/ definitely look her up if you're heading to Rome! And another major thank you to our editor/producer/composer, drop her a line at mahatopd@gmail.com if you need anything audio/video production!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Every year during the holidays, people love to talk about the true meaning of Christmas. |
| 0:09.2 | Wholesomeness, family, rampant consumerism, and of course, you're going to hear Jesus is the reason for the season. |
| 0:16.5 | Well, not really, actually. |
| 0:22.5 | Not according to history. |
| 0:25.2 | When we look at the origins of our Christmas traditions, |
| 0:27.6 | from when we celebrate to how we celebrate, |
| 0:33.2 | it's a little less Jesus and a little more slaves, sex, pointy hats, |
| 0:36.6 | pickled children, and saints who punched out a priest. |
| 0:37.5 | Ho, ho, ho, indeed. |
| 0:39.1 | So if you're clutching your gingerbread right now, good. |
| 0:41.9 | Tis the season to shake up what we think we know about our favorite holiday. |
| 0:45.9 | So spike your cocoa and let me jingle your bells. |
| 0:48.6 | Because I'm Shaolin Lester, and this is a very special Christmas edition of Crowned and Cancelled. |
| 1:01.8 | Music and this is a very special Christmas edition of Crowned and Cancelled. I think we can all agree that no one knew how to throw a party quite like the ancient Romans, |
| 1:07.1 | and the festival of Saturnalia started 500 years before the birth of Christ was literally |
| 1:12.6 | described as Optimo diarum, the best of all days. It was a public holiday during the Roman |
| 1:19.3 | Republic that lasted from December 17th to the 25th. And when the Romans made public holidays, |
| 1:25.3 | girl, they went for it. Not only was there no work, |
| 1:28.2 | like our public holidays, but the government sponsored food giveaways and games, and I'm not |
| 1:32.8 | talking about cornhole. I mean gladiatorial events, mock battles, performances, and everyone got to |
| 1:39.4 | go. They trek down to the Coliseums for free, with free food. And this kind of public entertainment was a really |
| 1:46.9 | big secret weapon of Roman emperors, like Augustus, who was the adopted son and heir of Julius |
... |
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