Setting Boundaries with Draining People w/ Emily Sanders

Mama Knows

Cloud10

Parenting, Kids & Family

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2025

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this conversation, Nina and Emily explore the complexities of setting boundaries in relationships, particularly focusing on family dynamics and the emotional challenges that arise. They discuss the importance of recognizing draining relationships, the cultural influences that shape our boundary-setting behaviors, and practical steps to establish healthier interactions. The conversation emphasizes the need for self-awareness and the courage to prioritize one's own needs while navigating the guilt that often accompanies boundary setting. In this conversation, Nina and Emily delve into the complexities of setting boundaries, particularly in female friendships and family dynamics. They explore the feelings of guilt that often accompany boundary setting and provide strategies for effective communication. The discussion emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy and the need to manage one's emotional responses after asserting boundaries. Emily shares practical scripts and techniques for navigating difficult conversations, highlighting the significance of understanding personal values and the impact of emotional maturity in relationships. 00:00: Understanding the Roots of Boundary Issues 02:48: The Importance of Boundary Setting in Relationships 05:58: Identifying Draining Relationships 08:59: Navigating Family Dynamics and Boundaries 12:06: Cultural Influences on Boundary Setting 15:01: Overcoming Guilt in Boundary Setting 18:03: Practical Steps for Setting Boundaries 21:01: Scripts for Boundary Setting in Real Life 22:38: Navigating Guilt in Boundary Setting 26:12: Effective Communication Strategies for Boundaries 29:34: Setting Boundaries with Family Dynamics 37:07: Calming the Nervous System After Setting Boundaries Emily Sanders received her Bachelor’s degree from Life Pacific College in counseling ministry, and received her Master’s of Science degree from Vanguard University of Southern California. In addition to her practice, Emily is also an adjunct professor in the Human Development and Psychology department at Life Pacific College. Emily has been practicing for over 13 years, and knows from personal experience the courage it takes to walk on the road to healing and self-discovery; she works with compassion to support others on their path to restoration, empowerment, and fulfillment. You can find Emily at emilysanders.com or emily.sanders.therapy on Instagram In her free time Emily can usually be found outside running, hiking, or riding her bicycle along Pacific Coast Highway. She also enjoys browsing Pinterest for new dinner recipes, chatting with her girlfriends, and spending quality time with her family. Episode Sponsor: Build the best summer ever with KiwiCo! Get $15 off on your Summer Adventure Series at kiwico.com/mamaknows Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, it's Zach and Laura from Marriage Therapy Radio.
0:04.3	It's a weekly podcast where we, two marriage therapists, talk through all kinds of issues related to your relationship.
0:09.2	And we have two main goals each week.
0:11.1	The first is to talk about relationships in a way that makes you go, huh, I've never thought about it like that before.
0:16.1	And the second is to give you at least one practical tip or trick or tactic that you can use in your
0:21.2	relationship right away. So check out Marriage Therapy Radio wherever you find your podcast. And join us in
0:25.8	making your relationship better today than it was yesterday. Growing up, I learned that if others were happy, I was safe.
0:41.5	And because of that, I have learned that molding into what people need from me would keep me safe.
0:48.6	And with that came poor boundary setting.
0:51.5	And saying no and putting my needs before other people's needs quite literally
0:56.4	gave me heart palpitations. Although this is something that I have worked on and I've gotten
1:01.8	much better at. I've been in therapy. I talk about me being in therapy on my podcast all the time.
1:05.9	I've been in therapy for three years on and off and I've gotten really good at boundary setting. And one area that's
1:13.0	really hard for me to set boundary in is with my family because I was raised that like your
1:18.8	families, you do everything. You do everything for your family. Like you respect your mother.
1:23.2	And I come from Eastern Europe. And I don't know how much you know about Eastern Europe, but they're very like family oriented.
1:29.9	And quite literally, they'll tell you like, nobody cares about you except your family and you do everything for your family.
1:36.3	So very toxic kind of mindset around that.
1:39.1	And I've never really been good at boundaries.
1:41.3	But like I said, I've been working on myself and I've gotten so much
1:45.4	better. And I think my family has recognized now, like, I'm not going to bend. I'm setting my
1:52.1	boundaries with what I need and what I, what is important to me and my family. And it's honestly
	...

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