Hello, and welcome to Self-Work. I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford, and this is YGTG, meaning

you get the gist. We'll talk for a very brief time about one topic. And today it's,

is therapy self-indulgent? And I'm going to tell you a story about having a rock in your

shoe. I had a guy, he was a patient of mine the other day, smile and say, he had to struggle

a bit with the idea that therapy for him felt a little self-indulgent, which he followed

quickly up by saying, I know it's because I rarely ever focus on myself, and it feels a little

odd doing it. But it's also not an easy thing to do, and most self-indulgences are that.

Easy things, comforting things. This definitely isn't easy. So I started thinking about what he'd

said. It's certainly true that some people come into therapy with heavy sadness, grief about

a death or a divorce, about a child with a drug addiction. They have stories of almost

unbelievable abuse or neglect in their lives as children that somehow they survived,

but are now dealing with ramifications or consequences of those experience. That's one kind of work.

In the trauma world, that's called big T or big trauma. But there are others, many others,

who come in for what might be psychologically, less potentially damaging experiences,

but they are important enough, or hurtful enough, to be impactful, and to lead them to not be

the parent they want to be, or to want to learn better ways of communicating or handling anger,

or to realize that they're getting in their own way, of attaining their potential.

Whatever it is, these are often what's called loyalty or little trauma.

So then, I thought about the times I might have had a little rock in my shoe.

So small that I even wondered if I should stop and take the time to get it out.

It doesn't really bother me. It would take too much time to get it out.

I'm in a hurry. I'm making a big deal out of nothing. If I just don't think about it, it'll resolve

...