Self Differentiation and Why It Matters :: Nancy Houston [Ep 335]

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Education, Leisure, Kids & Family, Parenting

4.9 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 30 August 2021

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Self differentiation, emotional enmeshment and emotional cut-off… We got some new-to-me terms to learn in this episode, but you’ll be very glad you stick with us for the definitions. And I promise there won’t be a pop quiz at the end. 🤣

I’m chatting with Nancy Houston, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist specializing in individual, marital, and sexual issues. We go deep on some important concepts that I wish I’d learned earlier on in my marriage.

The big one is self differentiation. Who am I separate from motherhood and marriage? And how can I stay a healthy individual in those roles without swinging too far either direction. Nancy shares practical tips and breaks down big concepts to get us going down the path of self discovery.

“Health is being able to hold the middle where we can have some grace for ourselves and one another. Where we can have some quiet. Until I can stop judging myself so harshly, I'll never stop judging you.”

Connect with Nancy:

Links Mentioned:

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey y'all, welcome back to the Don't Mom Alone podcast.
0:10.8	I am your host Heather McFadden and this is the place where we are going to hang out together
0:17.5	and I'm going to remind you through connecting into people and resources that you don't
0:23.5	have to go to Mom alone. And in this episode, number 335, I am welcoming back my friend, Nancy Houston.
0:33.5	Yeah, I love this idea that health is always found in the middle. We get, we're so polarized
0:40.0	nowadays. Aren't we politically, culturally, socially? Things are either right or wrong.
0:46.5	Good or bad. They're smart or stupid. And I'm like, you know what?
0:51.5	Health is not found in those places. Health is being able to hold the middle where we can have
0:58.5	some grace for ourselves and one another. You can have some quiet until I can stop judging
1:05.5	myself so harshly on never stop judging you harshly. And I think as long as we're judging
1:11.0	ourselves harshly, like, oh, I've got to please him or forget it. I'm not going to please anybody.
1:16.5	Like, forget it. I'm not. It's like me, the one of those places bring us to a place of health
1:25.5	and well-being.
1:27.5	Nancy has been on the show before. Episode 206, when she talked about overcoming barriers to sexual intimacy.
1:34.5	She is a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist.
1:40.5	Today, we're talking about this concept of self differentiation, which is something I've learned
1:46.5	more about in the last year as I've met every month with a group of people, including Nancy.
1:53.5	It's called our life team. We meet once a month for an afternoon. And in that time, as I've been
1:58.5	processing my life with them, Nancy has presented this concept. And I thought, okay, Nancy,
2:04.5	you've got to come on the show. We have to teach my listeners about self differentiation
2:09.5	and why it matters for their marriages, for their relationships with other people,
2:14.5	and particularly when it comes to parenting. So you're going to learn that word.
	...

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