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Huh?

Warning, this episode climaxes with an explosion of sperm jokes, which makes that sperm joke premature.

Hello, this is regular from Zurich Switzerland. I'm here to tell you that if you look at the people who live in some of the more secluded Alpine valleys in my country, you will be convinced that they, like me, evolved from filthy, dirty monkey men.

It's the year's day. It's December 4th. And a Muslim person never gave me 2.5% of their money because I'm poor. Not even me, it's not anybody. I know, there are only five commandments and that's one of them. Never stood out.

I'm Noah Luzon. I'm Ethan Wright and from Assy and Adieu Wons, Poetunk, Georgia, this is the Skating Aidenst.

In this week's episode, Adam Reeks will join us to talk about a pastor whose fascination with sperm blew up in his face.

The Paul murders goats, we have proof.

And Luzon will join us as the Bible finally jumps to the Great Fish.

But first, the Diadre.

Like many of you, I spend most of my Thanksgiving weekend actively avoiding the subject of religion and again, like many of you, I failed.

Now, it only came up once and during that conversation, I think I realized for the first time how difficult it really is to insulate oneself from reality.

So the conversation starts innocently enough. Commercial comes on for Ridley Scott's new Exodus movie and I made a comment that I was really excited to see it.

You know, I'd say what you will about the Bible, but it's as good a place as I need to find mythological inspiration and the movie looks pretty awesome.

So my brother and his wife thought that the atheist would want to see a movie about Moses and then I pointed out their son was wearing a Thor T-shirt at that moment, but they didn't seem to catch the connection.

Anyway, my sister-in-law agreed that she was typically optimistic about the film, but after hearing that Scott provided a gasp, scientific explanation for the parting of the Red Sea, she had her doubts.

So while I'm recovering from the use of the term scientific explanation in reference to the guy who made Prometheus, my sister jumps in, takes the opportunity to launch into this convoluted secular explanation for how the Exodus might have happened.

Now, you may have heard this one before, but in case you have it, let's call it theory, it goes like this.

Some kind of bacteria gets into the Nile, turns the water red, that scares out all the frogs, the frogs come into town and die, that brings the gnats and the flies, the gnats and the flies bring the pestilence, the pestilence brings the dead kids.

Anyway, it's all this creative post-hoc rationalization and it's kind of cool or whatever, but it's a hell of a lot more complicated than the actual answer, which is none of that shit ever happened.

As I found myself reluctantly explaining in the moment, there's no evidence whatsoever that Jews were ever slaves in Egypt at any point in history.

There's no evidence of a massive exodus of Jews, slaves or Jewish slaves from Egypt.

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