I wanted to take a moment and explain something to you.

I was going to leave this whole thing alone and let people think whatever they wanted to

think about me.

But it's been bugging me.

I know over the last two years there's been a few shows where I sound like I'm slurring.

And I have been.

And I wanted to tell you the truth and tell you why.

That was embarrassed about it.

But in order to tell you that story, I have to tell you this story first.

As many of you know, I worked in Vegas as a bouncer.

And we were armed.

I'll skip over that whole part and how I got that job.

I got a little bamboozled into it.

Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this.

So hang on.

Let's skip past the hiring process, which is its own hilarious story, and jump ahead.

I remember my first week on the job.

They asked me to go clear a bar on the property.

I'll wait for backup because there were several people in the bar fighting.

What a vague term to use.

What does that mean?

Two, three, six?

...