SC 64 - Tracking & Parenting Your Partner With Ellen Boeder

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 10 August 2016

⏱️ 39 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Codependency gets a bad rap. Parenting your partner? Who wants be married to their mom or dad? But there’s more to the story here. And lots of gold if you’re willing to reframe and play the “attachment” game in your primary relationship. My wife Ellen joins me again with her attachment knowledge and personal experience on how to track and parent your partner. We give some personal examples from our marriage as well.

SHOWNOTES

Why do people freak out when they hear the idea of “parenting your partner” or “co-dependency”? [13:30]
What is attachment in a relationship? [18:00]
The huge benefit of using the lens of attachment in a relationship. [20:30]
What does it mean to parent your partner? [21:45]
Track my partner? What does that even mean? [23:45]
The “secure home base” and how it can be a great barometer of the relationship. [25:30]
The physiological cost of not giving attention to your primary relationship. [27:45]
3 action steps you can take today to improve your relationship. [29:30]
Jayson’s action step for the listener. [36:30]
Leave your comments in Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

Transcript

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0:00.0	We're getting there, honey.
0:02.0	It's a flailer, it's a flailer, everybody.
0:04.0	Stay with me.
0:05.0	Stay with me. So, Howdy and welcome back to the Smart Couple Podcast episode 64. This podcast is for you if you want to
0:36.8	understand intimacy and long-term partnership. That's really what we're about
0:42.4	using the most effective tools and frameworks possible.
0:49.0	Because if you've been in a relationship longer than a year or two past the honeymoon phase,
0:56.0	you understand something from your own experience.
1:00.0	And what you understand is relationship is challenging challenging and the other person is challenging.
1:05.4	And they push your buttons in a way that other people don't.
1:09.7	And it makes us uncomfortable, right? You get uncomfortable when you get your buttons pushed, so do I.
1:15.0	Now, if we're not intelligently thinking about this, we want to run away from the feelings by firing the person that's causing us the pain that's pushing the button.
1:28.5	We think that the person pushing the button is the problem.
1:32.4	The intelligent person, however however slowly wakes up to the fact
1:35.5	that the other person, the partner in this case is pushing our button so that we can heal and grow that part of ourselves.
1:45.0	And then we get to earn a great relationship.
1:49.0	Not having this kind of framework is pretty devastating on a partnership over time,
1:55.0	because you'll just continue to chase a dream and a fantasy that you can get to a place where you feel good all the time and that is just a joke if you're paying
2:06.0	attention. So we don't want to promote that here and instead we promote hey you
2:11.8	want a good relationship?
2:12.9	Earn it through learning some badass tools
2:16.3	and effective techniques and diving deep down inside
	...

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