Savage Lovecast Episode 968

Savage Lovecast

Dan Savage

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships

4.7 • 6.3K Ratings

🗓️ 20 May 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A man in a queer group chat saw that folks were talking about going to a bathhouse in their city for the first time. The caller explained what goes on there, how consent can be slushy, and trans men might not feel welcome. This shut down the conversation. Was he wrong to tell it like it is? A divorced woman with a 4 year old daughter is friendly with her ex-husband but not close. Her daughter is asking why mommy and daddy are not married and don't live together. She's never explained divorce to her daughter. How can she phrase it? On the Magnum version of the show, Dan speaks with Katie Simon, sexuality journalist and the author of the upcoming book Tell Me What You Like: An Honest Discussion of Sex and Intimacy After Sexual Assault. They discuss how survivors take many varied paths to healing including for some, going through a "slut phase." For anyone going through recovery from sexual trauma, or supporting someone who is, Simon's book is required reading, and this convo is a great place to start. And a gay, pre-op trans man has a troubling pattern. He can't have anal sex because of health issues, so penetrative sex for him involves his vagina. He gets together with gay men, explains his situation and his biology explicitly. But afterwards, his lovers flip out and reject him because they no longer feel like "gold star" gays. The experience is shredding. How can he find men who will work for him? [email protected]. 206-302-2064 Subscribe to Magnum for the full interviews, chats with Dan, and more! This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 27% off site wide plus, a FREE Bedding Bundle- that’s, a Sheet Set, and Mattress Protector- with any Luxe or Elite mattress order. Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now. This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial plus 25% off an annual subscription when you go to dipseastories.com/savage. This episode is brought to you by Beam’s Dream Cocoa Powder- packed with all-natural ingredients to help improve sleep. For a limited time, Beam is offering my listeners up to 40% off. Go to shopbeam.com/SAVAGE and use code SAVAGE at checkout. Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, news junkie, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From apps to abstinence, unicorns to underpants and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's Sex and Relationship Show for grownups.
0:05.1	If you're under 18, get out of here, young and...
0:08.0	If you're stuck in a relationship quandary,
0:12.4	or if you're looking for sexual harmony,
0:18.1	while there's nothing you can't ask on the Savage Lovecast.
0:26.6	A very important part of my job.
0:29.1	One of the ways I think I actually kind of maybe do truly help people is by encouraging them to have realistic expectations.
0:37.9	Singler partnered, monogamous, or open, vanilla, or kinky,
0:41.7	people with realistic expectations have more satisfying relationships.
0:48.0	Because, and I don't think this is rocket science,
0:51.4	realistic expectations can be met, more than met, better than met, realistic expectations can be met, more than met, better than met,
0:56.1	realistic expectations can be exceeded.
1:00.1	Unrealistic expectations, by definition, are unlikely to be met.
1:05.2	Completely unrealistic expectations can literally never be met.
1:10.2	Another important part of my job, feeling sorry for people.
1:12.8	And honestly, I do feel sorry for people whose unrealistic expectations have screwed up their
1:19.2	relationships and I do what I can week after week, month after month, year after year to help
1:26.3	people see that their unrealistic expectations are
1:29.6	screwing up their lives. So let's say you're one of those people who want some monogamous
1:35.9	relationship. You have my full support. You don't want your partner fucking other people.
1:41.9	That is a perfectly realistic expectation. You don't want your partner fucking other people, that is a perfectly realistic expectation.
1:45.8	You don't want your partner to want to fuck other people?
	...

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