Wellness + Wisdom | Episode 640

What is the most reliable way to liberate yourself (or your loved one) from the trap of pornography?

Men's Coach, Sathiya Sam, joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast, episode 640, to share the key elements to healing from porn addiction, his personal journey to freedom, and why getting 1% better every day is all you need to focus on.

"Where we are the most wounded or the most deficient is often reflected in the nature of the content that we are drawn to. That's why so many people are looking for porn; because of mother wounds. It's often linked to the fundamental psychological roots of trauma, parent-child relationships, and our sense of self and identity." - Sathiya Sam

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In This Episode, Sathiya Sam Uncovers:

[01:30] The Dangers of Pornography

• Sathiya Sam
• DeepClean - FREE TRAINING
• Pornography is accessible, anonymous, and affordable.
• 610 Adam Lane Smith | Relationships Are Teamwork: How Men + Women Make Relationships Work (Heal Your Attachment Style)
• How wanting to help others motivated him to recover.
• Why identity shift is a crucial step in healing from addiction.

[07:30] Finding Balance Between Giving + Receiving

• Why pastors are good at helping other people but not themselves.
• The importance of having a practice of receiving if your job is to help others.
• Having a sense of purposelessness is a common denominator in porn addiction.
• Why Sathiya always believed he was there for a greater purpose.

[13:25] Making Mistakes Helps You Grow

• Knowledge is not power, it's potential.
• How being open to making a mistake helps you move forward.
• Why Sathiya has reduced the amount of information he takes in.
• What caused Josh to become addicted to porn.
• All behavior is predicated on belief.

[19:20] Solving Behavioral Issues

• It's human tendency to solve behavioral issues with behavioral solutions.
• Why you need to address the root cause of a behavioral problem.
• How Sathiya struggled with not feeling good enough.

[22:55] Life Is Both Dark + Light

• Why the only way out is through.
• Without evil, there is no good.
• Why most of Sathiya's maturity and growth come from the darkness.
• Many people lack hope in their lives and search for something external to fill the hole.
• The lack of hope indicates a lack of character.

[29:00] Searching for God

• 634 Dr. John Demartini | Human Potential: Your Practical + Spiritual Guide To Getting The Life You Desire
• Letting go and trusting the process of life.
• How Josh connects with God.
• The mystery of life is what makes life valuable.
• You don't need to know why God is real.
• Why Sathiya likes the practice of journaling to connect with God.
• MANNA Vitality - 20% off with code "JOSH20"

[39:20] Don't Compare Yourself to Other People

• Why Josh couldn't live a life without purpose.
• The reason why Sathiya wants to help people from his home and be with his family.
• How comparison with other people makes you question the priorities you have in the season you're in.
• The Last Relapse: Realize Your Potential, Reclaim Intimacy, and Resolve the Root Issues of Porn Addiction by Sathiya Sam

[43:45] Get 1% Better Every Day

• You earn wisdom through life experience.
• What Josh learned from his grandfather about God.
• Why people want a timeline for setting themselves free.
• Work on getting 1% better every day.

[50:20] Desexualizing The Brain from Porn

• Billie Eilish and her porn addiction
• Desensitization and sensitization effects of porn on the brain.
• How stress impacts stress response.
• Why 30% of men under the age of 40 are dealing with erectile dysfunction.
• Early exposure to porn has a severe impact on the brain.

[56:05] What to Do to Stop Watching Porn?

• 449 Hearts Wide Open | Identifying & Healing Core Wounds To Live Your Vision: Luke Storey, Cal Callahan, Dr. John Lieurance & Josh Trent Quadcast
• We've been conditioned to oversexualize everything.
• The world is awakening to the truth about pornography.
• How Sathiya helps people build their emotional fitness.
• Why transformation of the heart and shifting your identity help you stop watching porn.
• Don't be afraid to be radically authentic.
• The opposite of addiction is connection.
• How social media can trigger a relapse because it's hypersexualized.

[01:05:05] Sathiya's Liberation from Porn

• 388 Dr. Jud Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind
• What helped Sathiya desexualize his brain and stop watching porn.
• Why it took him 5 years to truly get free from pornography.
• How the emotional wounds didn't allow him to fully recover.
• 538 John Wineland | A New Masculine Paradigm: Leading With Love, Living Your Truth + Healing The World
• What spiritual narcissism looks like.

[01:12:35] Porn Addiction Is Caused by Your Mother Wound

• 36% of all porn viewers are women.
• Why pornography addiction is an intimacy disorder.
• Porn is connected to the mother wound.
• How having unmet needs from his mother impacted Sathiya's life.
• Porn addiction is driven by trauma, identity, and relational problems.
• Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins

[01:18:35] Creating Meaningful Relationships

• How the experience of neglect was stopping Sathiya from having a better connection with his mom.
• Why creating meaningful connections is one of the signs of recovery.
• Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
• The one who is most vulnerable heals the quickest.
• Why community is an important factor in the healing process.
• Freedom is becoming a new person and not apologizing for it.

[01:28:50] Live to The Fullest

• DeepClean Coaching
• Your willpower is not going to save you.
• Life is worth living to the fullest.
• Why pornography has been one of the greatest gifts for Josh.

[01:35:10] Your Temptations Are Giving You Clues

• 288 Greg Woodhill: What Porn Does To The Brain & Heart
• How we eroticize pain.
• Your temptations can either be your problems or your clues.
• Mendi.io - Use code "JOSH20" for 20% off
• You have a 3-5 second window to alter your trigger.
• Nootopia - 10% off with code "JOSH10"
• Why Sathiya's program is only focused on men.

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Power Quotes From The Show

Addiction = Lack of Connection?

"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. Porn addiction is an intimacy disorder. It has nothing to do with sex." - Sathiya Sam

Desexualizing The Brain

"It took me 5 years from that season before I finally experienced true freedom from pornography. There were still wounds in my heart and issues in my belief systems. The last 2 years of recovery is where I started to do the work; I worked through trauma and forgiveness, and I understood some of my past that contributed to my sexual development. And that's when I found real healing." - Sathiya Sam

Porn Is a Demonic Energy

"Pornography is wreaking havoc on our society, mostly because it's offering people something that's very close to the real thing. It feels similar, it looks similar, but it's actually vastly different. They say pornography is the 3 A's: affordable, accessible, and anonymous. And all those 3 things working together are pulling the wool over people's eyes."- Sathiya Sam

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Links From Today's Show 

• Sathiya Sam
• DeepClean - FREE TRAINING
• 610 Adam Lane Smith | Relationships Are Teamwork: How Men + Women Make Relationships Work (Heal Your Attachment Style)
• 634 Dr. John Demartini | Human Potential: Your Practical + Spiritual Guide To Getting The Life You Desire
• MANNA Vitality - 20% off with code "JOSH20"
• The Last Relapse: Realize Your Potential, Reclaim Intimacy, and Resolve the Root Issues of Porn Addiction by Sathiya Sam
• Billie Eilish and her porn addiction
• 449 Hearts Wide Open | Identifying & Healing Core Wounds To Live Your Vision: Luke Storey, Cal Callahan, Dr. John Lieurance & Josh Trent Quadcast
• 388 Dr. Jud Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind
• 538 John Wineland | A New Masculine Paradigm: Leading With Love, Living Your Truth + Healing The World
• Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins
• DeepClean Coaching
• 288 Greg Woodhill: What Porn Does To The Brain & Heart
• Mendi.io - Use code "JOSH20" for 20% off
• Nootopia - 10% off with code "JOSH10"