This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.

Welcome to Santa University 9. My name is Jamie Loftus. I actually did, if you're returning to

Santa University for a ninth year, please seek professional help. If this is your first time joining us,

best of luck, I think it's pretty intuitive and should make a lot of sense. Sante University

is part of an unproduced project I've been working on since 2012, the 600-page script,

and I kind of just yank out 15 pages a year or so.

We take a look at what it is, and we've been doing it for nine years now.

So I've actually written about 200 pages of Santa University.

Let's not talk about it.

Let's get into the cast of Santa University Nine, the cursed pages.

I'm Miles Gray and I'll be playing Dan Santa.

I'm Jack O'Brien. I'll be playing Dean Santa, goth Santa, and Baby Santa.

I'm Anna Hosnih, and I will be playing Gal Santa.

I'm Sophie Lickerman and I'll be playing Intellect Santa.

I'm Joel and I have the honor of playing Jamie and Professor Santa.

My name is Caitlin Durante and I'm playing solely.

What's that?

I'm Robert Evans and in a rare case of casting against type, I will be playing Second Amendment Santa.

Yo, loki, what's up, squad?

This is prop.

I'll be playing head ass Santa. This is prop. I'll be playing head-ass Santa.

This is Victor.

...