Thank you so much, the two-kind. You're absolutely two-kind. Welcome to the late show, everybody.

I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

If you've been watching the news, you know the world continues to talk about the eccentric

power mad cult-like leader who has launched a surprise bid to retake what we thought he

had abandoned long ago, because Tom Brady has changed his mind on retirement and will

return to the Buccaneers to play a 23rd season.

Fall start to retirement. Unnecessary handsomeness. Penalty is drink a full-calorie beer. Of course,

my dear friend Tom Brady is not just returning for the love of the game. He's also set to

make $25 million next season, which is, coincidentally, what you'd have to pay me to go to Tampa.

This is so lovely, it's lovely. I don't even know where that joke comes from.

This is great news for the NFL, but bad news for the guy who bought Tom Brady's last touchdown

football for over half a million dollars just hours before Brady announced his comeback.

So it just lost its value immediately, but that guy should have known when it comes to balls,

Brady's always been big on deflation.

Tom's, what's that joke mean? What is that? I don't.

Tom's returned to professional, I call him Tom. Tom's returned to professional men's football,

raises one big question for fans like myself. What, I ask you, is going to happen to A.D. for Brady.

Tom's recently announced football-themed road trip comedy starring Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno,

Sally Field, and Lily Tomlin. Tom better not pull the plug on this. Otherwise, Jane and Lily

are going to introduce him to their pals, Grayson Frankie.

I guess, might be the only solution is to recast the movie and call it, honk if you're drunk.

Of course, the other big story continues to be Russia's war crimes in Ukraine. The Russians

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