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Welcome to Raising Good Humans. I'm Dr. Lisa Pressman and today I'm continuing this conversation

with Lisa Demore. Dr. Lisa Demore is one of the world experts on adolescence. She's just written

a new book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers. Last week we talked about the landscape of adolescence,

some of the myths that we perpetuate and that actually can scare us during the time that we're

already feeling a lot of during this time of transition to parenting teenagers. And this week we're

talking about when to worry, some of the issues that adolescents are struggling with, how to

respond, particularly when to seek support or when there isn't support to be sought, because

there's kind of a shortage in what we can do as parents. If you enjoy this episode, please don't

hesitate to write a little review, subscribe to Dr.Lisa.substac.com. And on Apple, I have an exclusive

Raising Good Humans premium where every season we focus on one topic, just get little bite-sized

nuggets each week to help support your parenting. Now, the part of the conversation that gets tricky

is figuring out what to do in real time when you have those big feelings, challenging emotions

coming at you, and when you need help. So we've been talking about, you know, how I define mental

health in this book, and it's not about the presence or absence of distress. What it's really about

is how emotions are handled, you know, like what kids do when they have a negative feeling.

And the distinction that we're interested in clinically is do they get relief in ways that are

effective and harmless, or do they get relief in ways that are effective and costly? And so one of

the first things I want us to really assess as parents in terms of like the window worry question.

Yeah. Right? So your daughter fails a test. She is deeply upset by this. If she goes and plays for

sad playlists and cries for a while, if she rolls around on the floor with a dog for comfort,

if she calls her friends and talks about how awful that test was, and then if she gets out her

...