S21E14: Designing The Love Life That's Meant For You w/ Ellecia Paine

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Society & Culture, Science, Social Sciences, Relationships

4.5 • 877 Ratings

🗓️ 18 November 2025

⏱️ 75 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if the secret to a healthy, lasting relationship isn’t finding “the right person”… but designing the relationship that’s actually right for you? We’re here with Ellecia Paine who experienced first-hand what it's like to be in a relationship that looks good on the outside but feels empty on the inside, – and how she used this experience to completely redefine what she was looking for in a partnership. We discuss how to break out of the inherited “shoulds” when searching for love, why it's not "too much" to ask for more when it comes to your relationship, and how to create a structure that’s built for who you are, whether you’ve found your person or not. TW: We talk about an abusive relationship at the start of the interview. Follow Ellecia @elleciapaine and check out her work at: https://www.elleciapaine.com/ Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ HOW TO BE DATEABLE IS OUT! Order now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcast Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster, Jan 2025) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Our Sponsors: * Kensington Books: Dawn of Chaos and Fury by Melissa K. Roehrich is on sale now: https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Talkiatry: Get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at https://talkiatry.com/DATEABLE Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dateable-your-insiders-look-into-modern-dating-and-relationships/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	What's the one thing about your health you wish someone had told you years ago? Well, for me,
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1:00.9	All right, fellow romanticcy lovers, I've been waiting to talk about this one because it completely
1:05.5	took my weekend. The epic romanty finale, Dawn of Chaos and Fury by Melissa K. Rourke, is finally here.
1:12.6	And if you're into anything book talk is raving about right now, you need this.
1:17.1	This is the fourth and final book in the legacy series, a dark romantasy packed with
1:21.8	fay, dragons, shifters, vampires, witches, meddling gods, you name it.
1:25.9	And what I love about this world is that it's not
1:28.2	your typical medieval fantasy backdrop. Think high fantasy meets modern tech. Magic everywhere,
1:34.7	but people are still texting, driving, dating, using computers. It gives big Crescent City vibes
1:40.1	in the best way. And honestly, I got so pulled into the emotional roller coaster that heroin is
1:45.7	dealing with depression and anxiety. And the way the story handles her mental health made the stakes
1:50.5	feel so real. Plus, the tropes, faded mates, morally gray chaos, one bed, touch her and die.
1:56.8	It's basically a book talk bingo card of everything we love. Now, if you haven't read the series yet,
2:02.1	this is the series finale. So don't start here. But the good news, all four books are out now. And they make
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