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The Tim Hawkins Podcast

S2 Ep52: 152 - That's Alarming!

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

Comedy, Religion & Spirituality, Improv, Christianity

4.72.3K Ratings

🗓️ 16 May 2022

⏱️ 77 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The gang explores "Holy-ween"--the church versions of Halloween, why great men don't have lots of friends, favorite cartoons growing up, people who say AMEN at the wrong time at church, annoying conversational tics, picking your fingernails, and keeping active as you age...

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Okay, let's run it baby. Run it. I ran it. Run it. Got it. Fun it. Light this candle. Light it. Click like subscribe.

0:17.8

Comment. Share. Even if you could, would you? My friends found my YouTube channel this week.

0:25.7

Yeah. And that was embarrassing. What's embarrassing about it? The one about the cookie. Wait, the one that's called live cooks. Yeah. Well, I thought they would never find it because it was under live cooks, but then I changed it to my name. Oh, no, and then they found it.

0:38.7

It's got some pretty good bangers in there. Yeah. What they say is that the one where you do like you put on the ingredients, the weird ingredients in. No, it's not weird ingredients. It's a cooking chance. So the whole class. Yes, and they embarrassed me. Oh, no.

0:53.9

I did. Oh, you got got. Yeah, I don't. I probably deserved it. Why? You put something on the interwebs. I don't know. It's out there. One of them all day. Yeah. So if we Google Olivia gets owned, that'll come up. Yeah. Yeah. Did they like it? I don't know. I was afraid to ask. So they just streamed it and left it there. Nobody.

1:16.2

You need to be confident in your art is what see you don't have to apologize. You were bored and it was funny. Yeah, but I'm I am proud. They just played the worst one. I took you. I took you away from your family and brought you to Seattle. And I've

1:28.8

got to do a loan. Yeah. Yeah. That's what came up that and it was such a safe neighborhood. People were shooting heroin right outside of our door. Didn't some guys fall. Followed you guys down the street. Some. Oh, the guy, the blind guy forgot about that. That was no, that was in our drive. Yeah, we backed out of our driveway. And this guy was like standing there. And then he smacked it back in my car.

1:53.2

He started hitting us. And he started hitting my car. And I was like, what's going on? And he was like, I'm blind. I'm blind. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry.

2:00.6

You know, you should have ran after any chased us. What should I say? You should have said, I'm going to punch your car. Oh, yeah, I'm a punch. I should have chased you. Yeah, he chased me. I've been like, did he have the stick?

2:14.1

Oh, yeah, Luke's been chased so many times. I've been chased twice while I'm in a car. But they are on foot. Wow. Yeah, tell him second time. Well, I was at a gas station and a not so great part of St. Louis. And this guy came up to me and was like, hey, do you have any coins or like any change? And not really that tone. But anyway, he came up. And I was like, I looked in the car because I was like, I will give it to him. I don't care. And I was like, I literally don't, man.

2:43.7

Like, I don't have any cash. I don't have any change. I'm sorry. I would if I had it. He's like, you know, a few man, a few. I was like, sorry. And then I like put my guessing back and started driving away. And he goes, he starts talking me again. Like, maled and at me and

2:57.1

and then he's like, stoop down, like, pick up rocks and throw them at my car. And then I like started driving my faster. And he started running after me. Yeah, some strange. That's why I used to trick or treat. Oh, yeah, like, they didn't have what I wanted. I'd be like, a few man.

3:11.5

Yeah. And then I got to my mom on the sidewalk. And she said,

3:16.2

what did you say? I'm like, I'm like, look, the guy wasn't bringing it. So I've I custom out mom. She's like, that's, that's okay.

3:25.8

My mom told me he had he had playing a tiny prepare. Let's go to the next house. My mom said when I was in like, I was

3:32.3

then she'd go and her cigarette out of my forehead. Classic Melda. When I was five, I went to the door. And I said,

3:38.7

the trick or treats my my feet. Give me something good to eat, which my mom did not like me saying that. And then the lady gave me black like

3:44.7

Christian. I went, ooh, yeah. And my mom's like, okay, you're done.

3:50.7

That's it. I did it to the thing. Once tried your out. No, I did it to the same person. I did it to the same lady. I was like, you

3:57.8

see my treat smell my feet. I didn't go trick or treating as a child because I'm a Christian. So,

4:02.1

well, my parents weren't Christians. It was with me. It was every other Halloween week because mom would for some reason hit the

4:09.0

sermon where the crack pot comes in and talks about, oh, yeah. You know, the evils of Halloween. Yeah. Well,

...

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