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The Tim Hawkins Podcast

S2 Ep14: Spatial Oddities

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

The Tim Hawkins Podcast

Comedy, Religion & Spirituality, Improv, Christianity

4.72.3K Ratings

🗓️ 2 August 2021

⏱️ 76 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tim shares a traumatic car trip explosion from his childhood involving a snack sack. The gang decides if you have a garage fridge with ONLY drinks, you're rich, and they desperately try to crack post-holiday depression. Livy joins Captain Bezos in space. Also, did anybody order any zerubbabel bulbs?

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello friends, so glad you stopped to buy. Once again, you're always welcome. So grab

0:14.0

something to drink. If you want some salty, I think we usually have some salt and vinegar

0:18.1

chips up in the pantry. Maybe some chips and salsa. Or if you have a sweet tooth, we

0:23.7

should have something maybe in the freezer like some ice cream bars or maybe something

0:28.4

forgotten. I love it when I find some hidden treasure in my own freezer. And I think the

0:34.4

mother of all treasures would be some like Girl Scout cookies, you know, the thinnets

0:38.9

and the freezer hiding under like a box of frozen tequitos. I feel like a kid again.

0:44.0

I always thought the Girl Scouts had set the bar so high with the cookies and the Empire

0:48.9

they had built selling those things door to door. I mean the Boy Scouts just never could

0:54.2

keep up in the fundraising way with the Girl Scouts. I remember coming out of a grocery

0:59.7

store and some Boy Scouts had their table set up and they were actually selling fertilizer,

1:05.0

huge bags of fertilizer. And I was like, guys, what are you doing? You can survive in the

1:10.0

wild. You know how to make rainproof shelters out of leaves. You can communicate with animals

1:14.4

and find your way out of any forest and have mastered the tying of any knot. How about,

1:20.0

I don't know, how about hiring a consultant to raise capital? How about Boy Scout cookies?

1:25.3

I don't know. Maybe the Girl Scouts have those Disney lawyers that clamp down on any of

1:30.5

that business. I don't know. The Girl Scouts are just in a privileged position, I guess.

1:35.6

They win. We're working with some new sponsors and we're trying this one out. Not how, you

1:39.9

know, we're trying to find a good fit for sponsors, not just take anybody. So I'm just

1:44.6

going to do a dry read here. Okay, here we go. Are you satisfied with your bulbs? If not,

1:51.4

then consider buying your bulbs from Zerubba Bell bulbs. For over a hundred years, Zerubba Bell

1:56.2

bulbs have provided the highest quality, undimable and demable bulbs on the market. Zerubba Bell

...

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