S2 Ep128: Are They Your Type or Your Trauma Response ft. Anwar White

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

5 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 16 July 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What does it mean to date and be in relationships in a trauma-informed way? Are you dating from a place of fear instead of self-worth? In this powerful episode, certified dating and relationship coach Anwar White opens up about his personal journey and why emotional safety is the foundation of any healthy relationship. We explore the crucial question: Can you really date men if you're scared of them, or if deep down, you don't even like them?

Whether you're recovering from toxic relationships, navigating dating anxiety, or looking to build confidence and emotional security in love, this episode will give you the tools to understand and honor your safety needs.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, dating coach Anwar White joins Shan to talk about what it means to date with emotional and relational safety at the center. Anwar shares his personal story of leaving an unsafe environment as a child alongside his mother, and how that shaped his deep understanding of safety, trust, and partnership. Now, as a coach helping Black and Brown women find aligned, lasting love, Anwar breaks down the realities of trauma-informed dating, co-regulation, and building standards rooted in self-worth.

This conversation also explores the ways our early relationships model love for us, and how watching his mother now thrive in a healthy partnership has become part of Anwar’s full-circle healing and success story.

🔗 Follow Anwar
https://www.instagram.com/datingcoachanwar
Listen to his podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/1PTRAwfi9ZPDF6h4BOWXvj
Checkout his services https://getyourguycoaching.com/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	What does it feel like to be in a safe relationship?
0:02.0	Well, I will tell you at the very beginning, it was really scary.
0:06.0	And it was scary because when you're not used to being in a safe relationship,
0:11.0	then everything feels like a con.
0:15.0	It is a huge barrier to try to date someone that you might be afraid of or scared of.
0:21.8	And I hear this so often.
0:24.1	I don't like men.
0:25.9	I fear them.
0:27.0	They're scary.
0:28.6	The work that we do is not about getting a man.
0:31.6	That's like actually the cherry on top.
0:33.6	The work is really about becoming the woman that's ready for the best relationship of your life.
0:38.3	Welcome, Enwar White.
0:40.3	Host of Get Your Guide.
0:41.3	I think a lot of women believe in the spark.
0:44.3	The butterflies are really anxiety.
0:46.3	I think that people, there's a safety in the fairy tale.
0:51.3	We have to let that go.
0:53.3	I always ask my clients when they get into relationships,
0:56.3	did you think that this would be a person that you would be in a relationship with 95% of the time
1:01.1	they say no. Can I ask you a nosy question? I may answer, girl. Welcome! Yes, hips and fingertips!
1:12.6	I'm so happy to meet you in person. Thank you for coming.
	...

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