S2 Ep123: I Wanted My Man, Not the Sex: Tamsen Fadal on Losing Her Libido At the Worst Possible Time

Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

5 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 11 June 2025

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Have you ever wondered where your libido went? In this episode we do a deep dive on sexual slumps, low libido and lack of sexual desire that is frustrating (lack of desire that is not frustrating is not a problem!). We get to have this conversation first from the lens of Emmy-winning journalist Tamsen Fadal whose journey with low libido started in perimenopause and peaked on her honeymoon! From hot flashes and brain fog in the newsroom to bedroom low sex drive, Tamsen has become treasured for pulling back the curtain on midlife like never before. In this honest and empowering episode, menopause advocate Tamsen joins Shan for a conversation about menopause, sex drive and embracing life’s shifts.

Tamsen shares how a one-word note from her doctor "menopause...?" set off a journey she wasn’t prepared for, and how that diagnosis impacted her body, her identity, and her intimacy. From tough talks with her husband to the quiet shame so many women carry through midlife transitions, Tamsen reminds us that getting older isn’t the end of our sensual selves, it can actually be the beginning.

In part two of this episode we are giving you a MasterClass on low libido led by three doctors: OBGYN Dr. Mickey, lifestyle medical physician Dr Lean AND Pelvic Floor expert Dr. Janelle Frederick aka the Vagina Rehab Doctor.

This is a highlight of our hour and fifteen convo if you’d like to listen to the rest go to
Loversbyshan.com/community

Follow Tamsen on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/tamsenfadal

Get her book How to Menopause
Listen to her podcast The Tamsen Show
Checkout her website https://www.tamsenfadal.com/

Transcript

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0:00.0	I was a news anchor for 30, almost 30 years.
0:03.0	Tammy Winnie Journalist.
0:04.0	Tamson Fidel.
0:05.0	Tamsin Fidel.
0:06.0	So I went from like, hey, we're dating and fun.
0:11.0	I'd get off the air.
0:12.0	News at night, I'd meet him at 11 o'clock.
0:14.0	We'd have sex.
0:16.0	And then my libido was like gone.
0:18.0	It just was gone.
0:20.0	Even though we read the words like, you know, lack of libido was like gone. It just was gone.
0:25.6	Even though we read the words like, you know, lack of libido or lack of sexual desire, like seeing those words as a symptom list and feeling those words and dealing with those
0:31.6	in our life in a relationship is really different.
0:33.6	They went back to a doctor and I was like, I don't know what's going on, but like I have no sex
0:38.9	drive.
0:39.9	The doctor that I went to said, okay, you needed to talk to a therapist to see if there's
0:43.7	something else going on with you first.
0:45.7	And I said, well, why can it just be like about my, my physically?
0:49.1	And they were like, no, we want you to do that first, which made me feel like a lot of shame
0:52.5	with that. The scarier part wasn't not having sex.
0:55.0	The scarier part was, why don't I want to?
0:57.0	So a million dollar question, why didn't you want to?
	...

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