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Welcome to Raising Good Humans. I'm Dr. Alisa Pressman and this is my first

bonus episode. I'm going to be doing one bonus episode a month and I'm going to pick your questions

that you DM me on Instagram at Raising Good Humans podcast and pick themes that I can talk to

you about quickly, effectively rooted in science and also with the practical spin of a mom right

there with you. Today's topic is yelling. Yelling is one of those parenting strategies that

it didn't do on purpose. None of us sets out to yell. There's the occasional Yeller who feels like

that's the only way to get a child to listen but for the most part it means we've lost our cool

and we just don't have a better solution. So even when we plan on staying calm, which I know I

speak about a lot, taking a deep breath, pausing, helping to make sure we are regulated in response

to our children's dysregulation, showing empathy. Those are all so important and yet if something

about a situation pushes us over the edge, we find ourselves still yelling. So you can't teach a

kid to stay calm in the face of distress and challenges if we can't stay calm. That's obviously

why yelling does not work well. But more importantly, it doesn't actually feel good for you as the

parent and it doesn't feel good for our kids. So we have to figure out ways around it and acknowledge

it's still going to happen so we need to repair. There are so many reasons why we yell even though we

know we shouldn't. Just like there are so many reasons we do a lot of things even though we know we

shouldn't. For one thing, it feels like it works at first when you're desperate because you can scare

the daylights out of your kids. And in that moment, they will probably listen. The problem is that you

have to up the ante every time you do it or you will not be taken seriously and how far can you go

when you up that ante? We also interpret our kids behavior through negative as typically our lens

is expecting that there was manipulation around it, that there was a lack of listening, that there's

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