Everybody, what is going on? You know what time it is. You're listening to Join the Journey podcast with your host, Emma, daughter.

Thanks for joining. Today we are in 1st Samuel, 6 and 7. But before we dive in, by way of reminder, it's a Friday, which means there's a new episode of Join the Journey Jr. out. It's the podcast, Join the Journey, or the Journey for

Kids, Journey Jr. You don't want to miss it. They are covering the same story as we are,

the Philistines and the Ark, so be sure to check that out if you've got little ones. But all

that said, I am in the podcast studio with a faithful Watermark staff member, Ethan Howard.

Hey, everyone.

Ethan, it's good to have you here.

It's really good to be here.

You've sat on the other side of the mic helping with edit notes back when you were in the institute.

But now you're here guesting on the podcast.

So tell us just, who are you?

What do you do?

Thanks, Emma. Hey, everyone, really excited to be

here. Kind of a little short summary of my story is just growing up, I very much just kind of taught

myself through different events, like, man, you know what? I just don't think that I can be loved.

And so kind of what I went through a progression of was all right if I cannot be loved maybe I

can at least be good and so then always just trying to perform grew up going to a Christian

school in the area and I got really good at putting on a show and internally there's just a lot

else going on and eventually figure out and like okay okay, yeah, know what, I'm not good.

There's just this, there's this darkness kind of within me, just had different, just like,

like, I mean, as I said earlier, just like not an understanding of me being loved. And so just

like self-hatred and got to a point of just deep depression and suicidal ideation and then got to a point of being like,

...