It's around 3 o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep.

I haven't been sleeping well since...

Since I got that grant.

Just like not what I was expecting, but I've just become so nervous. I have this major insomnia.

Now that I feel like, okay, I'm actually doing this. It's not just an idea.

Today, Adam was home with a fever.

I was just sitting on the floor in his room, reading stories.

He crawled onto my lap.

He was so cuddly.

He just fell asleep.

So I was just holding him and forced to just sit there and just stare at him.

It was kind of nice. I don't have these moments anymore so much. When they're babies, you stare at them all the time when they're sleeping.

And I just started worrying.

What if this is the job I'm best at now, you know?

Then Adam peed on me in his sleep.

Hi, this is first day back.

This is a documentary podcast about one accidental stay-at-home mom, that's me, trying to get back

to filmmaking. So far I have one small grant for a film project and I'm working with a producer

to raise more money. If you're just joining in, I recommend going back and starting with

episode one. So once again, this episode took longer than planned. You'll hear more on why in a minute.

This episode is about insecurity and creativity.

Because this isn't just about work, it's also about creative work.

...